12/31 8:30 am

“Janice” from friends

So we just monitored last night. I think there was very little change. I am sad Ethan’s night nurse is off tonight. He has been so wonderful. 

Today we, from what I have been told, will be starting the green machine, dialysis machine. I like to call it the lean, mean, green machine after a fan favorite big wheel child hood toy that gave a bunch of us kids hours of enjoyment. However, our new day nurse just told me, the machine makes super annoying noises (oh good more noises) and they all have dubbed the machine “Janice” from friends.  Right now we are waiting on machine setting recommendations.

I am not extroverted. I can be chatty with people I know and am fond of, however, I do gain energy from solace and quiet time, none of which I have here. I have found a new hobby of trying to learn names (man I suck at it) and thanking anyone who has helped with Ethan’s care. I save the biggest and most cheerful “good morning” wishes to the ladies that come in and take the trash out, sweep and mop the floor and wipe things down. I also try to talk to them a little, it is usually awkward for me (I am socially awkward sometimes) and certain interactions go a little smoother than others.

One lady I gave a big hello to and started to rattle off some stupid small talk (I am not a fan but I try) just to be cheerful. She didn’t speak English.  Or maybe she did but she told me “no English” in a broken accent.  Actually, this may become my new “go to” move when I don’t want to talk. Just say “no English”. Brilliant!

Ethan is resting this rainy morning. It is dreary outside.I am a little excited to have Ethan start the dialysis today. They call it CVVH. Continuous Veno-venous hemofiltration. 

I want to see him improve instead of this plateau. They told me to give it at least 4 days to see significant improvement. Ugh! 4 days seems so long. But I mean we have been here for 5 weeks so, by this rate we aren’t going to get home until May-2023....(kidding).

Happy New Year’s Eve. Everyone is anxious to get 2020 over with. 2020 will be forever the year of Ethan’s engine swap. With all the “shit” everyone has gone through this year, and I mean EVERYONE, there has also been some positives. I asked myself what some of the positives I have had this year.

I found Instacart. That is a true game changer and lifesaver. It is so helpful for the immunosuppressive. If you want to try it let me know and I will share my code with you. I don’t get my nails done regularly. I don’t buy a lot of jewelry or make up, so this is an area I can pamper myself. Seriously you grocery shop from your couch. No people. No germs.

Covid caused Paul to be furloughed for several weeks. Luckily, we had already budgeted, planned and saved for a new Patio.  We were able to score some sweet deals on Marketplace on pavers and Paul built the most beautiful Patio with a fire pit. We utilized it all summer while social distancing with family and friends.

Of course the Great Engine Swap! While it has been a rocky road, Ethan’s old heart was very sick. I will forever be grateful for this new gift!

Please look inward today, I know you can find some good in this year. I also am anxious to end it and start fresh.