Ethan’s Journey

 How is it the last day of March already? Today my schedule was insane. I finally just shut my computer and walked away. Boundaries.I may have had a whiteclaw or two as well. Avery had a friend over and they made dinner for us all. My little cook. We had cabbage wrapped chicken mixed with carrots, onions, hoisin sauce and a few other ingredients. Yum. She also mad scalloped potatoes. I am hoping to go through some of my dresser drawers tomorrow and weed through the crap! We will see. Avery is trying to organize a blanket drive for a local shelter with her Eco club at school. I will want to week through our available blankets too. Towels will be good to round up as well. I do have errands to run in the morning. I am hoping to rest well so I can tackle my day.

 I had to set some boundaries today with work. I have had trouble doing this in the past, but it came easily today. I have been practicing doing this when needed to preserve my bandwidth. I am not required to set myself on fire to keep others warm. I won’t do it. Boundary setting felt good.  Avery got the pants for Senior Ball outfit. Her whole ensemble tops last year which I didn’t think was possible. I can’t wait to see her pull it all together in May. Tonight I cracked myself up hard. I was laughing and crying at the same time. I am good at cracking myself up…usually I am the only one laughing though. I can’t share what it was out of embarrassment for my lack of awareness.  Paul was not proud for me to be his wife in that moment. The tone of disgust in his voice as he half ridiculed me and half shamed me was spilling out of each and every pore he has. Avery shrieked “MOM!”. My reenactment of my statement (with somewhat of an interpretive dance) didn’t win my family over either. As t

 Today was productive. I met a friend for dinner and we chatted for hours. We had margaritas. I ordered a flight of margaritas and was a little bit disappointed in their quality. Ho hum. My friend’s company counter balanced that.  While at dinner, I went to use the bathroom. I don’t have a great track record with public restrooms. I don’t know why they are called “restrooms” as I don’t want to rest in there. I want to get in and get out as soon as possible. I walked in and there were two stalls. The first stall was a handicapped stall with a big sign on it that said “out of order!” With an exclamation point to emphasize how “out of order” it was. Oh my god! What happened in there to emphasize how much it is NOT working? I likely don’t want to know. Ew! Toilet number two was all plugged up with urine soaked toilet paper. I called my friend into the bathroom stating I “needed help” in the bathroom. I am sure that was weird for her. I panicked and asked her for help.  She understood my pr

Another tragic school shooting. I hate that! Innocent lives lost. I can’t imagine what the parents are going through. Tragedy strikes so soon after our own community has had attacks against it. I went to a school board meeting tonight. I am not really the parent that attends those. Avery got there before me as I was having dinner with a friend. The topic of discussion was the book “This Book is Gay”.  There have been a few boisterous community members pushing this book to get banned from the High School Library. The interesting part of this drama is that some of the parents involved in the negative feelings surrounding this book don’t have any of their own children that attend the school district. It’s a free country and everyone has opinions. I am amazed at the amount of extra time these people have. There were a few points during last night’s meeting when the board members had to take a break because the crowd was getting rowdy. Not all the  adults were exactly leading by example. On

Poor Paul. He came home a little late today. I made a wonderful dinner of buttery curry chicken, fresh brussel sprouts with a vinaigrette glaze and twice baked potatoes. I had a little bit of extra time today. I was able to go through the drawers and cabinet in our down stairs bathroom and organize it in a functional way. His dinner was a bit cold because he was late, but he doesn’t care much. I was miffed because I was on hold and fighting with Expedia. I booked a flight, cancelled it and fought to get it reimbursed. No bueno! I had to be issued “credits” with rules that state use it or lose it. I tried to book a flight today and couldn’t redeem the “credits”.  I had to do either an online chat or call. My introverted self chose the online chat so I wouldn’t have to talk to a stranger. Nope…that didn’t work.  I felt like I was on hold with a government agency. This terrible music was playing as I was holding. Paul walked in the room and made a comment about the hideous music. I told h

 Today was very productive. I got caught up with things around the house, made Stromboli for dinner and was able to do a little work On my computer. I am thankful I can work on my schedule with my terms. It frees up part of my day tomorrow and I have plans for it. It is spring cleaning. I am going to try and weed out some things. We have too much crap around the house. I have been very surprised and a bit shocked that Ethan has joined us several times in the living room after dinners over the past week or so. He doesn’t interact to much with us, but that’s ok. The fact we are seeing his face in the living room is a win/win for us. Off to bed. I am quite tired.

Avery and I spent some time with my mom today. She taught Avery how to make Reuben pizza. It was delicious.We also spent the day hanging out and relaxing. It was fun. We watched a variety of tv shows. I had to step out for a massage at one point.  My massage went well. It was a bit painful but that is because my muscles are so tense. I took a muscle relaxer afterward and some Tylenol and that helped keep things even for me. Paul and I spent the evening home and had some friends over. It was fun sitting around chatting. The dogs were being goofy. Phineas has stopped with the diarrhea but is still whining. This is his normal, post anesthesia protocol. However, anesthesia isn’t supposed to be in your system this long so he might be milking it a little. At 13 1/2 years old, I will accept it. He has been a good dog to our family and has kept us all safe. He has kept us safe on the boat that we anchored, that he has perceived on multiple occasions that we were drifting off to sure death…..he

 Today was full of surprises. Poor Phineas was out of sorts after his dental cleaning. He gets the anesthesia runs. He is very sad about it too. Pathetic really. He mopes around whining. Today he refused to take medications, luckily I had an injectable pain medication. He has been such a good friend to our family. Tonight I help his bowl while he decided to eat. I warmed his blanket and tucked him into bed. I hope he makes it all night. Avery and I are having a Girl’s night at my moms house. We watched a meeting put on by Avery’s school leaders. It was about the damn pipe bombs that keep terrorizing the schools.  Avery’s high school received ANOTHER bomb threat today. Ugh!

 Last night we had the tv on. Ethan quietly came down stairs and sat with us. He was on the other side of the living room. He snuggled with Jiminy. He laughed at the TV. He stayed for over an hour. We didn’t really talk much amongst the 4 of us, so it was no pressure for him. Tonight he did the same thing. I was thrilled. Two nights in a row. Woah! It is nice to see him a little bit. Even if it isn’t for very long. Avery came home  from school today with a letter stating that she is one in a group of kids receiving valedictorian honors. They don’t just pick one anymore. This is a group of kids that achieved an overall GPA of 97% or above for their entire high school career. Wow! Way to go Aves! Phineas had his teeth cleaned today. He had another tooth pulled. He is very sad about it. His mouth is getting more open real estate as the years go on. He has summer teeth summer there and some are not. He is whining non stop when I got him home. He didn’t want to eat but finally caved and dec

 I had been working with the tv on and just had listened to the 9-11 the 5 th plane show. It basically said there was another plane that should have taken off to cause mass destruction on 9-11 but didn’t for a series of reason. It showcased how crazy people can be to carry out their mentally ill quests.  Then I get the call from Avery’s school stating that there was a bomb threat at her school as well as all the other schools in Hilton. Ugh! Nope! I texted Avery to see if she was ok and tell her to get the hell out of there.  I got no response. I texted two more times like a worried mom and even called. What I didn’t know was that Avery didn’t answer because she was walking to her car. Thankfully she let me know she was ok.  The bomb threats developed because someone thought a book available at the school library was inappropriate. So they did what any concerned citizen would do….emailed the school stating they had hidden bombs because they wanted to keep our kids safe. (Sarcasm) What?

 After Avery and Paul left this morning, I went up to shower. Ethan’s normal routine is to stay in his room. He will come down and grab food but take it back to his room. If he is not in his room, he is out in the garage. When I came downstairs, he was sitting on the couch. I felt like a spectator observing a rare animal in the Forrest. He doesn’t like chatting, so I respected that. I played it cool by making my breakfast in the kitchen out of sight. He recently had gotten some feedback from work that upset him. He is in a “me against the world” mindset. I figured I would let him talk if he wanted to but not force it. Within 2 minutes of joining him quietly in the living room, he got up and went in the garage without a word. Sad face. I accept that he is in an awkward stage of life and it is compounded with the trauma of everything he went through. The fact that he shared via text his frustration with work was a big deal to me. There is still a little bit of communication there. I brou

 My surgeon saw me today for a post-op appointment. I thanked him for his good work putting my spine back together and cleaning it all up. He thought my scar looked great. He assured me that it would fade. “I don’t really care if it does or it doesn’t! I never see it.” I told him. Scars are natures tattoos that tell a story. We all have a scar somewhere and we likely remember how we got it. Even the few work scars I have collected over the years tell a story. I walked around outside today. I heard the birds happily chirping away in the sunshine. I can see my flower’s stems peaking through the snow and dirt standing up tall in the sunshine.  I am off to bed. 

Today I was lazy. I puttered around, not doing much. Likely because yesterday I was on overdrive. I did watch a documentary on a serial killer on Staten Island which was interesting. We then went to Nana and Papa’s so Avery and Papa could make noodles from scratch together. I am not sure which one of them had more fun.  Nana got Avery an apron that was quite fitting. Avery has a t-shirt with the same thing written on it. The noodles were fantastic, especially with Nana’s sauce and meatballs/sausage. Yum! Ethan stayed home. He kept the fire going while we were gone. He rarely joins us for anything. I do feel sad about that, but understand if he were away at college, he wouldn’t do stuff with us either. So that is how I try to feel less bad about it. We had enough noodles to bring home for tomorrow’s dinner. It was a special afternoon. Precious moments for sure.

I did a lot today. All 4 dogs had their nails trimmed and baths. I did meal prep with 4 different options, all made with fresh food, no sodium, resulting in 24 prepped meals for us.I even cleaned the kitchen, washed all the dishes and put them away, as well as washing the cushions on the couch and cleaning of the lower level and bathrooms. Then I decided to take a break. With Paul gone this weekend, I made plans for myself. I have been feeling a bit cooped up. With the events over the past few years, I feel like I want to get out and explore the world-ish. There are some places I am ok with not exploring. I have a growing bucket list and want to start crossing things off my list. I booked two trips tonight for next spring. I am busting out of the confines of the walls life has put up. I am well ahead of schedule to hit my bonus for this year. I decided to start to tackle that list.  I am thrilled and excited to plan these trips. I get to make TWO budget spreadsheets! (Yep! I am a nerd)

 Happy St. Patrick’s Day! 🍀  Today I had the most epic interview. I asked a person if they could tell me more about why they have had so many jobs in the past few years. This person started stress talking and sharing far more than they should have. They shared that they had worked at place number one for 3 months and then had to “go back to rehab” then worked at place number 2, for a couple months but had to “go back to rehab”. After job number three an another trip to rehab I was done listening. We had about 8 more jobs to go in a span of like 3 years.  I was partly sad because this person is someone’s child. As someone who has watched my own kid struggle from addiction (to drugs he didn’t even choose) and weaning off of substances totally sucks. However, I hope that the third time was a charm for this person. I hope this person actually put in the hard work and dedication and will stick to it. We had an evening full of laughter and giggling. Always fun to laugh and giggle. It is med

I thankfully had minimal meetings/interviews. I was able to play catch up which is always a gift.  I got really wild and crazy and got my filling re-done at the dentist. Totally exciting. My mouth was so numb afterward. I didn’t want to eat for a while so I didn’t accidentally make a feast out of my tongue or cheek. I took my old man, Phineas, in for bloodwork because he is getting his teeth cleaned next week…..again. They were just done in August….but his mouth is rank! The mouth is the gateway to the body. He doesn’t need all that funk circulating in his body. I enjoy listening to Avery. Today she randomly said “I can’t believe there are only 7 continents.” Such a random statement.  Later she said “When Jiminy breathes, he sounds like dialup internet.” She then walked away singing “dial up Jim….dial up Jim.” I do enjoy her musings. 

Today I got my weekly call from the hospital to let me know about my outstanding bill. They call me. Then put me on hold. Then say they won’t talk to me without Ethan’s consent. We abide by all the rules and I maintain a pleasant persona. They were calling today about a few claims from November, December 2020 and January 2021. Apparently the insurance company processed the claims, then took the money back. Then they reprocessed the claim….and took the money back AGAIN….stating that we had a lapse in coverage (which we didn’t) as well as Ethan got services that exceeded the allotted amount.  I had to email my insurance liaison and see if she can get it sorted out. Luckily the amount that we were sent to collections is slowly decreasing as they sort through the mess of billing and our letters of pre-approval. Here we are 2 plus years later trying to straighten this out. It is frustrating and it has left me jaded. We need to find a better way! I wish I had a solution. Ethan and I had a ch

Apparently I have the most epic detective skills in the house. Avery couldn’t find her hair clip this morning. A clip, I never wear or pay attention to.  “Mom…..I can’t find my hair clip.” She complained.  “What does it look like?” I asked. “It’s brown and about this big” she said holding her thumb and forefinger up as a measurement for me to gauge. I didn’t know where the clip was. I started asking her “did you look here….did you look there…” I was met with the same answer for each “nope, not there”. I then started to think like her. This has to be a super power. It is an evolutionary skill that mom’s and wives develop over time. Not to be sexist (but this isn’t going to sound good) I think this is a woman skill. I thought about how Avery sits on the couch in a particular spot. It would make sense that she took the clip out of her hair while sitting in that spot. I went and looked and there was the clip, smiling back at me. Avery was grateful but I chuckled to myself. Finding things i

Today was not really very exciting. Ethan worked today and I had the house to myself minus my little furry friends. My day was filled with LOTS of interviews. I also had a couple meetings. We had a fun family evening (minus Ethan) making inappropriate jokes while watching old 80’s episodes of the price is right. Some of the prizes were horrifically fantastic. A hideous luggage set, terrible bulky furniture and an organ. Who knew we could have so many laughs about this show. I am hoping that I am able to sleep better tonight. Paul kept stealing all the covers last night. I might have to take a fly swatter to bed and smack him when he pulls my covers off.  

 I took Penny and Phineas for a walk down to Hamlin Beach with their dog friends. I met up with a friend, she brought her dogs and we walked for a bit. Penny wasn’t supposed to go. I figured it was too cold for her. When I went to leave the house, she excitedly invited herself by bee-lining to the car. How could I say no? I did have to go back in the house and grab her boots, hat, scarf and coat. She barely has any fur. (Penny had all her boots but one, fall off). All the dogs had fun. They usually camp together and have for years. It was a nice reunion. We then went to spend time at Nana and Papa’s. Ethan chose to stay home. We are supposed to be letting him make his own choices. We have to accept that the choice is his even if we wanted him to choose differently. On our way home, Paul, Avery and myself talked about how while life is happening, and we go through the motions, we are constantly making memories, inside jokes and sharing stories. We don’t even realize it is happening some

Today was a low-key day. I ventured out to pick up a few things at the store. Avery came with me. She shared about how much fun she had at the Senior Bash last night.  This afternoon was spent puttering. I went through part of my closet. I added to my donation pile. Did chores around the house. I threw some dinner together and washed up the dishes, which I hate, but Paul seems kind of down still from the loss of his snowmobile, so I am trying to be helpful and keep things organized (somewhat) to make things easier for him to deal with. Paul, myself, Avery and her friend watched a horror movie and it was pretty good. I really enjoyed being with Paul and the girls….with my little Jiminy swaddled in his blankey. I went upstairs to bed and passed the swaddled baby on to Paul. Jiminy enjoys his cuddles when he is sleepy. 

 I was in our kitchen and saw this spot in the floor. It was like a smidge on the floor.  I wear my “house shoes” in the house. I am old and have to have my orthotics in my shoes or my feet will hate me. I know….sounds so sexy. What is that? I wondered. I then realized I had stepped in jiminy poop that was discarded correctly by Jiminy onto his potty pad (potty pads are not my idea, he came like that and refuses to revert). It was mashed in the bottom of my house shoe. Are you kidding me?  By the time I had noticed, I had walked all over the kitchen. In between meetings I disinfected everything, bleached my shoes, and finally cleaned everything with the steam mop. Good thing he is cute. Tonight we went out to dinner/drinks with some friends to celebrate a birthday. We exchanged laughs and stories. We had fun, but the drive home was a bit slippery. Luckily Paul had the work jeep and we were able to have some good traction on the road. Tonight is the night of Avery’s Senior Bash. She won

I was a bit drained today. Paul voiced his troubles dealing with being tired too. Maybe we should start donating blood on a Friday night so we have the weekend to recuperate. My sciatic pain is much better. Thank you to all that shared tips and tricks. Sciatic “flossing” was very helpful and it sounds kinky….but it wasn’t.  Avery made cabbage steaks for dinner. The idea of that doesn’t sound all that great. We aren’t vegetarian or vegan or anything, we just enjoy vegetables. She topped them with some garlic, cheese and Italian seasonings. I have to admit, they were really good! The fan on our fire place was making some wonky noises this afternoon.  Paul was kneeling on the floor (like a little kid) with his butt resting on his heels. He had some butt crack peaking out over the top of his pants. Avery tip tied up behind him and did what anyone would do, she  put a jellybean in his butt crack. Paul wasn’t sure if we were being truthful as we teased him about his butt crack, so there the

 Last night we cast our vote for the school budget. Tonight was date night to donate blood. While it does seem unexciting, it has been nice to be a participating member of society. I am so glad Paul joined me for both activities. I did my exercise for 25 minutes this morning. I didn’t hate every minute of it. I mostly hated like 23 of the 25 minutes. I rewarded myself with coffee when I was done. It was a glorious reward. The rest of my day was boring and standard except I cooked a nice meal. I was able to cut up some vegetables and cook some chicken and roast some potatoes all while I was “working”. The meal was delicious. I will have to stop cooking so much or it will become an expectation. Ha! Maybe tomorrow night I will mix it up with a bowl of cereal. My sciatic nerve on my other side (non surgical side) has been bothering me. I was laying down on the couch to alleviate the throbbing. I looked over and I had my crooked nosed little friend, passed out next to me. He is the ugliest,

 I have decided to start exercising as I feel I can identify with Grimace, from the McDonald’s gang, in my current state. I don’t like sweating. I don’t like exercise. I wish eating junk food was considered exercise because I then would be physically fit.  I debated on if I should go to a class for accountability to myself. I am a true introvert and the thought of going to class and then having to make “small talk” is not something that would be a motivating factor. I decided to give YouTube a try. They have 20 minute work outs. So today is day two. Yesterday I found I struggled in the afternoon and wanted a salty snack. Thank goodness for popcorn kernels that I can make my own popcorn without all the grease and butter from the bagged popcorn. We will see how this goes with mindful eating (a term a friend of mine taught me) combined with exercise. Ugh!  Tonight we went to vote on a proposal from the school board. We stood in line like cattle being funneled from one field to the next. I

I woke up this morning and decided to “work out” which sounds athletic. My version of working out looks more like me huffing and puffing while punching the air and pretending I know karate. I would imagine looked like a sloth doing high kicks. But… I was sweating. That counts. We are still getting bills from 2020 for Ethan’s hospital stay. Insert eye roll here. I am so over dealing with it. Avery got her picture on the high school’s Instagram page. She is the cutest!!!!! Happy birthday Auntie Julie!!!!!

Today I walked out into the garage to get wood to put on the fire. I saw Ethan working on his car. I was happy seeing him in his groove. At one point I went out and I just saw his feet sticking out from under the car. It was funny. We went to Drag me to Dinner tonight. This is a show with drag queens dressed to the nines. Their makeup was done beautifully. Their show brought joy to every single person in the room. It was a comedy show. My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing. It is a show to celebrate our differences, accept them and have fun with them.  The drag queens have been targeted recently and there has been legislation passed that in certain states it can be considered a felony to have minors present for shows. This is if I am interpreting it correctly.  My personal feeling are, if you don’t want your kids at those shows, don’t take them.  If your kids are mature enough and open minded enough to accept people for who they are, then take them. If not, don’t take that. It is as

 I woke up this morning and tried to assess the roads to see if Avery and I could make the 45 minute drive to volunteer, safely. It looked like it may be a little iffy, but we decided to try anyway. By the time we got ready to go, the plows had been through and cleaned things up. I am not sure we give the men and women that plow enough praise. They have to get up in the middle of the night. I thought they did a wonderful job. I was very thankful. We arrived at Pet Pride of NY, a no kill cat santuary. It is a beautiful facility that cats really get pampered in. They have outdoor catio’s they can choose to go out and sit in, cat tv, and an endless supply of cat toys.  We spent about 7 hours helping out, to their spay and neuter program for cats. Avery was on recovery duty to make sure everyone woke up from anesthesia. She got to see some cool things and everyone was really nice and helpful. When we arrived home, Ethan had plowed the driveway for us and it was much appreciated. He also po

This morning, I had to get my blood drawn. Ethan was going to go with me but I stupidly scheduled an early meeting a few days ago and I only had time for one lab visit. Since Ethan’s test is timed, I bumped him until next week. I have an annual physical coming up and had to make sure I am healthy enough to continue to prank people. As I was getting ready to leave I went out to scrape off my car. I saw Avery’s car all covered in frost. I went over to start scraping her car off too. My brain kicked in first though. Wouldn’t it be funny if… I began to think…. If I wrote something in the frost on her car? I could have drawn inappropriate pictures but I chose a simple phrase that I could complete quickly and wasn’t all that offensive. “Avery smells”! She came out to her car and stood next to it just smiling away, unaware. Then she figured it out pretty quickly. We shared a laugh. We ended up scraping it off so she could see when she was driving. Work was a bit busy today and I wasn’t all th

I have to get my kidney levels checked for a routine appointment. I am going to go to the lab first thing because I have a busy work day ahead of me tomorrow. Unfortunately Ethan and I have to go to different labs which sucks. I stupidly scheduled an earlier meeting so I am going to have to skip Ethan’s lab visit. His choices were to skip and go next week, or drive separate. He is going to go next week. His mouth sores are resolving thankfully. We cut his dose back and I am anxious to see if with the adjustment, if his Sirolimus level stabilizes. Sirolimus is one of the drugs he takes to help prevent rejection.  I do read the comments and I appreciate the tip about the magic mouthwash. We have used that before. Ethan felt his sores weren’t too bad and he didn’t want to have to deal with doing the mouthwash. Luckily he mentioned it and we made a med change right away before it got out of hand.  Paul and I set up a date next Wednesday to donate blood together. I really feel strongly that

 I departed from Heather’s today. On my drive home I was chuckling to myself. Heather left me alone in her house, without supervision.  I sent her a text basically telling her that for the past few days I have been hiding silly notes around her house for her to discover. I told her that my intention was that every time she found a note and read it, that it was to signify that she is loved and that I hoped it would make her smile. I arrived home around 5:30 pm. My old man, Phineas, was apparently whining all afternoon so I took him for a brisk walk. He is getting old and crickety, the movement is good for us both. He is getting a bit figety in his golden years.  Paul and I caught up with each other. I saw him briefly on Sunday at the calling hours. But he left Friday morning. He has had some snowmobile troubles and that has been frustrating him. He told me all about his struggles trying to file an insurance claim. (His sled accidentally caught fire-long story. No one was injured). I saw