3/20 ❤️

I couldn’t sleep last night. I looked over at Ethan and he was sleeping and not wretching for a minute. He looked peaceful. I wandered out of my room and took the back elevators that parents aren’t supposed to take, up to 9Tower.

It was like I was Norm walking into Cheers.  I explained to them we were leaving soon. I explained how crappy Ethan’s day was. They were all equally saddened to hear about his nausea and being down. It was nice to see familiar faces. I got back to my room around 11:30 pm and the floor was quiet.

I tiptoed into the room and went to sleep. This morning I woke up around 6:00 am.  I laid in bed and thought of things to do to try and cheer up Ethan. He woke up and wanted to get out of bed. He sat on the couch for a bit.

He sat looking at the floor, sullen. We got a knock at the door. Ethan looked up and in walks 5 familiar faces from 9 Tower night crew. They brought Ethan and I breakfast and coffee (for me). How freakin nice. They all stood around as Ethan’s eyes lit up as if someone turned up the dimmer switch. What did I see on his face?  A smile. A big, glorious smile.  

Everyone stood there and chatted with Ethan and he loved every minute of them. His posture changed. His attitude changed. He even laughed a few times. I saw joy on his face.

Sometimes we have to rely on others to carry us through. Today that happened for Ethan.  When everyone said goodbye and gave him hugs, they walked out all still chatting and laughing with one another.

Ethan and I chatted for a bit. He then wanted to go on his computer and create.  He is working on a project that he was excited about.

He was still suffering from withdrawl and we got him the anti vomit trifecta.  It sort of worked but mostly proved drugs are bad (except if you needed them to save your life) and withdrawing sucks.

I wanted to get him out in the sunshine. With Ethan in the wheel chair that I was pushing in one hand and Ethan’s pump in the other, we made our way to the lobby. Turns out, I am not a good judge of wheel chair distance and was close to getting pulled over for drunk wheel chair driving....except I wasn’t drunk. I crashed it into the wall a few times but Ethan was ok. A little whee chair accident never hurt anyone.

As we made our way to the door I look out and saw people sitting in the sun in the courtyard. The sun was shining on them and they looked happy to be there. I then hear someone calling “Miss.....Miss” I ignored it and hoped it wasn’t for me and kept going. Turns out it was one of the security people telling me I could absolutely not take Ethan outside without a nurse. I didn’t have a nurses pass to get back in the building.

I explained we have done this a number of times without a nurse and that we push the call button to get in the building.  He then told me the courtyard is closed. I pointed at the people outside happily chatting on the benches. “How did they get out there.” He then said it was closed to non staff on the weekends. My mask hid my annoyed face. I paused. I had several things pinging in my brain. Most of them not very pleasant. There was an awkward silence. “Ok just push the call bell and we will let you back in.” He said. I thanked him and went outside. I was a little huffy about it in my brain until I get the sunshine. Wow! It felt nice.

We sat for a bit and then went up to visit upstairs in 9 Tower. I just wanted to get Ethan beyond the 4 walls of the room. We came back and worked on some homework and ate. Ethan did a lap around the unit for PT.

Then I made Ethan watch a romantic comedy with me. Today was much better than yesterday. I attribute that to starting the day off with 9Tower. It set the tone. We are one step closer to rehab. 

My bright spot. Was sitting in Ethan’s bed with him watching a movie.  Quiet company. But great company.