6/15

We woke up this morning. I made a coffee in our room so that I could bless the world with my winning personality. Sorry world, today is not going to be your day. The cups are like the size of Dixie cups. Who do they think is staying here that would think this is an appropriate sized coffee? I looked at my little cup of coffee and decided to make every last drop count of this espresso sized cup.  It’s a cup of coffee for tinker bell. I will do my best to not be stupid but I am being set up for failure. I understand I may have an addiction. But at least it’s not heroine or meth.

It took 20 minutes to do the 5 minute drive to the hospital. Luckily we had that factored in and arrived perfectly on time. Phew. 

There wasn’t enough time to go find a coffee place and I am not supposed to eat or drink now until after my CT scan anyway. Ugh! Hungry and under caffeinated. I will have to do a lot of box breathing and cleansing breaths today I am sure. I sat silently pouting a little and feeling sorry for myself.

Ethan was pissed because they made him take everything off but his boxers. “It’s a BRAIN MRI!” He kept saying. “They probably want to make sure there is no chance of any metal on your clothes.”  I know nerves played into it. Luckily the rest of the day is all about me.  He  can have a break. Tomorrow is his big day.

We then went and I had my chest X-ray, ekg and we went to the cafe to get Ethan some breakfast. We ended up seeing 3 of our past friends on the way. One of the nurses that helped take care of him recognized Ethan but had never seen me without a mask.

I then had my CT scan. They bolused me a large amount of contrast. I could feel the warmth creep a little further with each heartbeat.  I would love to have that feeling for an extended period of time. I felt cozy. I need IV contrast on a cold winters day. A steady infusion maybe.

We then walked a little over a block to the lab. Ethan’s legs and feet hurt. I had to get more bloodwork done and yet another urine test. We waited about 45 minutes. Ethan’s boney butt was hurting him and he was tired. I finally got done and we ubered back to the hotel.

I still had Ethan’s dialysis to do. Ugh! My brain is a bit fried between the last two days.  I knew that this dialysis treatment would be m second alone. My first treatment alone (3 rd overall with the travel bags). I was nervous. Or maybe tired? Or stressed? I haven’t really processed fully that my kid is STILL sick. I am a little nervous that I won’t pass all the tests. 

Besides having to find all of these offices in different buildings….. Showing up on time, keeping everything straight and the city is over stimulating. I am tired. 

So as I headed into giving Ethan his dialysis treatment, I was worried I was going to screw it up. I had limited supplies and no desire to make alternative plans to head to a dialysis center because I “couldn’t” do it. Screw that.

Luckily with patience and kindness, my dialysis BFF was a phone call away and answered my SEVERAL questions. I don’t like to bother people but I was glad he was there. I was done. Done adulting for the day. My brain was done. It’s all probably because I didn’t get enough coffee this morning. Clearly it is not good for me to NOT have coffee.

I turned on “the office” after dialysis. Just so I could stare blankly and listen to Ethan continue to eat his weight in food. FINALLY!

We were grateful for seeing more friends here. I am grateful that Today is over and I am hoping tomorrow goes well. I am also excited Ethan is eating.