We went to a celebration of life today for a 24 year old that spent a lot of time with the kids growing up. Life is so random. As I tried to put myself in his mom’s shoes, I verbalized to Paul, “we were so close to being in this spot”.
It’s a tricky balance to think of how things could have been different and being thankful for what you have, even if it is not the exact way you imagined it.
I am getting so tired of losing the time I would have had, if we did not have to do dialysis. Yet, I am thankful that there is a way for Ethan to be stable, be at home, and be able to live and find his joy. It’s an odd conundrum.
I am hoping that we make some progress this week and can focus on getting this behind us. Ethan and I have talked about how everyone says kidney transplant is way easier than a heart transplant. The science is there to back it up. We both can’t stop thinking that things will go terribly wrong again. Perhaps we are a bit reluctant to bank on things going exactly as they are planned.
It will happen the way it is supposed to and we just have to trust in that.
while it's tedious, doing at home dialysis right now is time spent with Ethan. during all this COVID stuff, I kept reminding myself that I'm spending so much time with my young adults - in a normal time, I wouldn't. Such an unexpected blessing. But having that time to do something else soon will be a bigger blessing, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your 24 year old friend. I am so glad that Ethan is still with you. I'm hoping that the kidney transplant goes smoother than you can ever imagine. It's not surprising at all that you are worried about it. It would be strange if you weren't worried about it after all the things you have been thru. Keep swimming.... xoxo
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