🎈12/30/21

This morning I spent the majority of the morning (after going to the lab) calling insurance as well as the hospital finance department to resolve some unpaid claims from over a year ago. So frustrating. This process is not for the mentally weak.

I swear things are just as hard now as they were a year ago, just in a different way. Ethan is becoming increasingly more upset, angry and frustrated with his situation. Today, the hematologist shared the plan for the daily injections to start up again as the days get closer to his stent removal and heart biopsy. They don’t want him bleeding out during the procedure. 

He. Was. Pissed. The hematologist spent 50 minutes with us coming up with a plan that is safe. The injections seem to be the only way even though they are well aware it is traumatizing to him. I tried listing every oral possibility I could think of and each one was eliminated because of interference from one of the drugs he is on or it is toxic to the kidney. I really tried hard.

Afterward he flat out said he wasn’t going to do it. This could result in a stroke, and I told him that. I asked him if he would rather have a stroke and be hospitalized or get a daily injection for a week? 

I have noticed that his ability to look on the bright side has diminished significantly. He is mad that he had to have a kidney transplant to begin with. He is struggling with looking forward to anything because in his words “it always gets ripped away.”

I told him I am frustrated because he is in a bad head space and the only person able to control it is him. He is the only one to choose therapy. No one can do it for him. EVERYONE I have talked to says that is the best thing for him. Doctors, nurses, family, friends…..not one person has said, he will be fine managing his trauma on his own. 

So of course I brought it up as we are both crying. Him frustrated and angry with the injection situation. Me frustrated that I have done everything I know how to do to help him and he is refusing to help himself.

This has been so mentally draining. I have cried more in the past two days than I have over the past year. These two weeks can’t pass fast enough. 

A little while later, the nephrologist called. They are offering transplant patients an antibody injection but it involves 2 injections, 1 in each butt cheek. It would be antibodies that protect against Covid Omicron variant. 

I tried to quietly whisper, that Ethan was miserable. But Ethan must of talked to one of his friends because he was pleasant to her on the phone. I was NOT going to put my 2 cents even though I was hoping he would choose to get the antibodies. He did choose to get them. I am so thankful he has this opportunity. It won’t prevent him from getting Covid, but if he does get it, it may keep him out of the hospital. With the emotional rollercoaster ride from today, the bright side is he said yes.

Happy Birthday Paul.