I ran some errands today. After arriving home in the late afternoon, I walk into the house and hear Ethan and Paul arguing. Most of it a cultivation from Ethan’s refusal to get help. Ethan’s anger, PTSD/ depression has been trickling down on the rest of us.
Ethan’s mood has surfaced in many unfavorable ways. He is able to be completely normal with his friends, but miserable with his family. He is isolating in his bedroom.
We are all frustrated.
At least Paul was getting it off his chest and trying to figure out a way we can all work on coping to get through this. We will get through it. This too shall pass.
I'm sorry. It sound very frustrating! I'm glad you went to a counselor, perhaps Paul could join you at a session? Ir maybe you could find a family counselor and you and Paul could go. Then that option will be open if you ever convince Ethan to join you.
ReplyDeleteYou have probably already thought of all of this.
At least Ethan has some time with friends that he can just be a normal kid.
Hugs 💛❤💛❤💛
I am so, so sorry. Deep breaths.... I hope this passes soon. If you think about it.... a lot of 18/19 year olds are attending college, are living away from their parents for the first time and are having a blast. You and I had this experience and loved it. I flourished in college... I had lots of new experiences and met great new friends (all the while feeling safe that my parents were only 1 hour 1/2 drive away). I imagine that Ethan is struggling with so many things right now. Things that he hasn't been able to do like his peers. It makes absolute sense that he might feel robbed of these things... but..... maybe these sorts of questions can be posed to him...let's create a timeline of things you want to accomplish (maybe working towards living away on campus or something like this). Sometimes planning really helps getting unstuck... the possibility... the excitement.... maybe his friends can help guide some of this thinking! Hang in there. Keep swimming....xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo there's a good side to this. Not that you want to hear this, but it's true and you know I'm smart because I know so many things, like Cliff Claven on Cheers: A fount of useless bits of trivial knowledge that I feel compelled to spew to others.
ReplyDeleteHe's putting on the brave face for others. That's okay. He doesn't want them to see the anger inside or the frustration. That proves he can do that... And that's a hugely successful social skill.
He's only being angry/frustrated/worried/overwhelmed/depressed at home.
Why is that good?
Well, first, he feels comfortable enough that he can do that. Like most of us do, you know... we have a telephone voice and a Mommy voice. Quite different.
And if he locks the frustration and even a little self-pity/anger up inside, well, that's an explosion no one needs.
Now this isn't FUN at all.
Dagnabbit, the kid should be grateful, like down on his knees, praising God and singing Make My Life an Alleluia and wondering how he can help save mankind.... but he's young and he's angry and upset and wishing he had control.... and he doesn't. Not yet.
I see major illness, life-threatening illness at the same level as death... Not his death, but that kind of mental, emotional and physical trauma, like losing a loved one and wondering how to ever get back to just breathing.... so he's at the opening stage of this trauma whether he sees that or not because he's like beginning the beginning of the end for the second time in a year... not his end, but (hopefully) the end of major medical interventions. We give widows and widowers time.... time to go through all the steps... I think folks who've gone through major medical upheavals like Ethan's need that time, too. But what I want for him, for all of you, is joy.... I want him to find his peace and joy and that will help everyone around him find it, too. So I keep praying.... and I get to see the girl brat this weekend, so I am super psyched about that!!!!!