Today was glorious. I needed a few moments to myself. I had time to think while I mowed. I don’t mind mowing. It combines sunshine therapy, with fresh air and then the peacefulness of the steady purring of the blades.
Setting boundaries. That was the thought topic of today. Setting boundaries is hard for me but very necessary. As well age, I find I just don’t care that much about stupid stuff. I don’t have time to waste on it. I have a kid that has been through so much trauma physically and emotionally and continues to ride the rollercoaster of emotions.
Ethan is clinically depressed. He does the best he can. Some days are good. Some days are bad. He has to retake two classes from his spring semester. He was bummed about this. However, I view it as that he passed his most important classes, while getting a kidney transplant and dealing with the aftermath of his heart transplant. What an accomplishment.
Seeing Ethan when he is really down hurts. It hurts my guts. It hurts to breath. The two of us have shared a good cry or two in the past week.
Depression is weird. Sometimes I get so frustrated with him. I think he is acting like an ass. Then he says something that jostles my world and I realize what state he is actually in.
He has his car to work on. I have asked him if he wants a semester off, and he said no. He is still making plans for the future which is encouraging. He is talking to a psychologist. So we are trying to do the right things.
I know there are many people worse off than we are. However, it doesn’t make our situation easier. Mom’s hurt when their babies hurt.
We are moving ahead with our planning for appointments next month in NYC. Avery is going too. She is going to be the driver most of the way. It is a bit crazy when we get close to the city, so I will drive. She needs far more practice before getting her license. She will get MANY hours of expressway practice.
I was able to spend a lot of time outside today. It was so beautiful out. I was thankful I had today off. It was a good one!
Oh, my friend.... I am so sorry to hear about Ethan's clinical depression. You are absolutely right... it's so painful and frustrating when our kids are hurting and/or struggling. I am sending all my love and cheer to you and the family. I hope that this situation gets better. I'm thrilled that you had a great college weekend with friends. Keep building these things into your life! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a much needed day off.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about how Ethan is feeling. It's not surprising and totally understandable, but that doesn't make it easier for either of you to deal with. I feel like I tell myself that nobody said life would be fair on a very frequent basis.
You guys are still dealing with A LOT, but you're doing it. And you might be doing it "better" than you think you are. You're both doing wonderfully given all that you have been through. I'm sorry it's hard.
Let others help you when you can.
🌻🌻🌻
❤💛❤💛❤💛
And... Go Avery!
ReplyDeleteWhat Jenny said
ReplyDelete