Today I spent the day with Avery. Just her and I. I loved it. I was telling her that I was feeling defeated, down and just generally negative lately. I don’t even want to be around myself. Ugh! I just want to say “shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
I can often feel my face gravitating toward something resembling what I imagine looks like me smelling something awful, the majority of the time. Maybe even in my sleep. That awful stench is my stinky attitude.
I also received this message from a good friend today as I was feeling down.
It was well timed and gave me the boost of exactly the kick in the pants I needed.
I have decided to actively remove my head from my butt and be thankful for what I have. I am going to make more of an effort to be more positive, so I might actually enjoy my own thoughts. I am also looking forward to my upcoming vacation, where I can just get away from life for a moment, reset, and carry on.
I set some small goals for myself to actively work on. We will see how that goes. Maybe just redirecting my focus will be helpful.
I have decided to not make any huge decisions and give myself a break. It will be hard. But I am ready for a change. Stress is hard. Stress is stupid. Stress is hell. No one could have ever prepared me for the aftermath of navigating two transplants, significant mental health issues of a young adult and medical bills, while juggling a full time job. I guess I need to give myself a break.
We just went through it to survive. Now we are still recovering and life has moved on leaving us in the dust.
As I have slowly let hell creep in and kick my ass, I have also slowly succumbed to hell’s effects. I am ready to take hell on and kick it’s ass. Today I made a little bit of a mark on hell. With the help of my insurance liaison, more of the outstanding bills from 2020 and early 2021 were paid.
I know everyone has their own version of stress. My body and soul have taken a hit. But I am ready to kick hell in the balls….so look out hell, I am coming for you!
I wish there were something I could do to help. I am truly amazed at how you and your family have navigated through the last couple of years.Talk about STRESS! Get help if you need it. Bright spot? Your friend and their message..
ReplyDeleteHell can suck it! And you are kicking it in the balls!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on wrapping up some of the outstanding insurance.
And more congrats on finding the positive. Often it really is the small things that make the most impact, but are sometimes easy to overlook. Keep that chin up - even when it's frowning - you will continue to heal, for sure. ❤️❤️❤️
Yes.... please be kind to yourself! It's simply impossible to stay upbeat and positive all the time, especially with the enormity of what you've had to go through and continue to go through. It's also okay if you need to ask for help for yourself from a medical professional. Perhaps there's some medicinal solutions for you that might help. Kick that hell out. Sending all my love to you, my friend. Brighter days are ahead. xoxo
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