11/13/22

Something weird is happening in the house. The past two days, Ethan has been more like himself. He has spent more time with us in the living room and has even engaged in conversation. I have seen him smile and even have heard him laugh. I haven’t seen a smile or laugh in weeks.

Avery and Ethan were sitting in the living room talking. This hasn’t happened in a while either. I then hear laughter. Both of them laughing. Avery later was talking about it and said it felt like how things used to be.

Paul and Ethan are working together with project “We need the garage back for wood”.  It has felt “normal” in the house. I really like it. I know it won’t last. But the glimpse of normalcy is a gift.

Maybe it is a lesson that even though things have sucked lately, for me to have patience with Ethan. He is still in there. Through all the anger, and difficult attitude, he is there. With Thanksgiving approaching fast, it strips everything back down to the basics. What are you thankful for?

I am thankful I haven’t strangled Ethan with my bare hands. I am thankful I haven’t shaken him, shaken adult syndrome…is that a thing? But maybe I should be thankful for patience. I am thankful that Avery, Paul and I have become even closer dealing with navigating trauma, personality conflicts, anger, frustration and more.

While no one could have prepared us for dealing with Ethan, dealing with his trauma, we have become stronger and more united. I hope Hell is paying attention. I hope this is a gut punch to Hell.

In a powerless world, the power lies within us. We just have to embrace it. We have to use it to fight our own version of the enemy, Hell. My Hell has got to understand that he (yes I have decided my hell is a boy) doesn’t know who he is messing with. (Not sure why I decided my Hell has a gender, that may be another topic for discussion at a later date).