Today was a hard day. I felt tired. We started to decorate for Christmas. That really meant that Paul brought up the tree from the basement and set it up. He also brought up the ornaments. I brought up a handful of festive things. They kids didn’t have interest in helping.
I was excited to decorate the tree this year. Typically the kids and I place the ornaments on the tree. I found myself decorating the tree, alone. 3 years I have been waiting to do this and I had pictured it quite differently. I became bitter and angry and just had to stop.
We then picked up the pizza for our big family dinner at an air bnb my brother, sister in-law and nephew were staying at. I was excited to see my nephew because I hadn’t seen him since before Covid.
On our way to the Airbnb, Paul pissed me off. In addition to my already crappy mood, this did not go well for Paul. Avery was also crabby and that started to piss me off as well. I was finally pushed over the edge.
I had to retreat and have a time out. Just remove myself. Sometimes I just need a time out. I find when I have too much stuff planned for myself, I need to schedule time to recoup.
After a few hours I started to feel a little better. I am thankful for this time but also have a mix of emotions. I have this kid that hardly participates in family activities. He doesn’t say hello to anyone and is quite standoffish. It is frustrating. I also feel like while he did suffer from trauma, he also got a second chance and should be so grateful. He doesn’t seem appreciative or thankful, and at times, acts entitled. How did this happen?
My time out worked. Tomorrow is a new day and I will try again .
I'm sorry you had a hard day. You missed out on so much the last few holidays, you all certainly deserve an enjoyable season. 🤗 I find it helpful to sit with my feelings, acknowledge that I feel anger (as opposed to I am angry, my emotions are not who I am) and then look at what the emotion is trying to do for me. Emotions try to help, but they're so clumsy and have no nuance. They try to protect us from future harm. Acknowledging that might make it easier to dismiss them. Mine don't go away quickly despite acknowledgement, I have to try to be graceful while letting the feeling pass.
ReplyDeleteI think Ethan is not feeling grateful because he's not done grieving the life that he lost.
Today is a beautiful sunny day and I hope that you all find some joy in this day! 🌻🍂🌻🍁🌻🍂🌻
That is great advice. I love it. Thank you. I appreciate that kind of perspective. Yes, he is still grieving. It is hard to be patient.
ReplyDeleteWhat Jenny said~
ReplyDeleteOh.... your friend Jenny's take on things makes SO much sense. Yep... grieving the life that he lost. From a distance, this makes absolute sense. It's still hell to deal with though. All your feelings are okay too. Love you! xoxo
ReplyDelete