Today was hard. I talked to Ethan a little bit about his plan for the garage. Currently our garage has been in use, by Ethan in a constant state of “work in progress” as he either worked on his race car or worked on his go-cart. Paul’s tools are scattered throughout the garage. Paul can’t find anything.
I asked him to look up his options of moving his things out of the garage. Storage unit vs. purchasing a portable garage. He decided his money would be better spent on a portable garage. He really didn’t want the storage unit.
As we began talking, I did disclose that if the portable garage looked junky, I would not like it to be in the front of the house. ”why? Because you don’t want people judging you?” He asked. I responded that “we work very hard to keep our house nice. It brings me joy to see the house look nice. I didn’t want to put up anything that could damage that joy for me. Also, I pay the mortgage and I am not wrong for wanting my house to look a certain way”.
I also kind of touched base with him. I asked him if he was happy. I asked him how counseling was going. He said he felt happy when he wasn’t around his family. Of course that made me sad but that is our current state. He said that our house is not enjoyable for him. He never feels comfortable because we always pick fights with him or disagree with him.
I asked him about working full time. He said he was afraid it would affect his mental health. He is also considering ending therapy. He hasn’t made a final decision. Of course I urged him to stay.
I asked him why he went through all this hard work with his recovery only to be miserable. He told me that he has a rare personality and that very few people can actually understand where he is coming from. He’s not necessarily miserable, just not around the people that make his heart feel full.
I felt very sad when the conversation was over. I do feel like I don’t even know this kid. I immediately had to jump into a meeting. My camera was off of course….I was ugly crying and had a lot of puffiness, redness and snot.
I immediately started looking up family therapy in our EAP at work. I sent an email. I know Ethan won’t attend, but at least Avery, Paul and I can, so we can understand how he is feeling and why, understand the trauma healing process. We were told not to do tough parenting. So what is “acceptable parenting”? I am not an expert on this. I am hoping the EAP (employee assistance program) delivers a family counselor.
When Paul got home, all 4 of us sat down and tried to make a plan. Ethan and Paul exchanged words regarding the cleanliness of the garage. Ethan just doesn’t value cleaning up after himself.
They exchanged words about replacing the window in the door of the garage that he broke a few weeks ago. He doesn’t want to replace it, of course.
What do you do with that kid?
My bright side was that I got to have lunch with the Louise to my Thelma. We went to lunch….in the middle of the day…and I could….because I make my own schedule. Huge bright side!
Also, another bright side, my company recognized my 1 year employment with them. They purchased the hospital I worked for 1 year ago today. It was a nice little recognition. 😊
Hugs
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