12/23/22

 I woke up this morning in crisis mode. 9:30 couldn’t come fast enough. I asked Paul to take me to the doctors. Paul has only come to my doctors appointments a handful of times. Big things like labor, kidney surgery. So for me to ask him is a big deal. I was stressing about how I was even going to get into the building, let alone survive the appointment.

Paul started the car. I assumed it was unlocked and convinced myself I could walk to it alone. I got there and it was locked. The pain was excruciating. I turned to walk back to the house and the tears were streaming down my face, my sobs more than audible. 

“Why are you crying?” Paul asked.

“Because it just hurts so bad”. I was in distress.

I climbed into the trunk of the van. I needed to lay flat and the seats are down back there. It’s not like a tiny trunk of a car. It’s wide open with heat. Just want to be clear Paul wasn’t stuffing me in a small space.

The doctor said to go to the emergency room. We headed over. My hesitation was if I could fathom the pain of sitting and waiting. The doctor called ahead to try to get me admitted. That didn’t work. She requested a bed for me since laying flat is the least painful position to be in. The hospital didn’t care. They plopped me in a wheel chair and I was writhing in pain for over 5 hours before I was able to lay flat. 5 hours of second by second stabbing, horrific pain with no position offering any comfort at all. I was doing Lamaze breathing. 

They called my name and wanted me to walk outside to the temporary tent. I couldn’t walk. I told them that and the lady kind of had a little fit. Almost as if I was lying or something. Paul went up to find out more information. When he came back, he described her using a word that is not a compliment to women to say the least. He was also pissed!

They called me in to place an IV catheter and take some blood. They gave me some Tylenol. Are you kidding me?And then finally, finally I got a bed to lay flat in. It was in a busy hallway and I didn’t even care. Damage was already done. 5 hours of horrific pain had been ingrained. I felt little relief.

My nurse was nice. I was a good patient. I asked for iv fluids to address my dehydration. They obliged. We talked about being diligent about medications used to protect my kidney. Not many people go into the ER and know their GFR (kidney health indicator number). They brought me a lidocain patch which was a little bit laughable but I was willing to try anything, and then some Valium. That didn’t do anything.

I expressed my concern about something bad going on and not being able to walk. I pushed for an MRI and the doctor said probably not going to happen but she would check. I was so defeated. 

I sent Paul home because we had lost power and the kids were home tending to the house all day. They built a fire and kept it going to stay warm. Paul needed to set up our generator to run the important stuff. 

I had a doctor come and tell me they were admitting me and doing the MRI. I feel like now I could get some answers and possibly some relief. They were going to prescribe the big guns. I insisted they check my kidney function tomorrow to make sure things are ok.

At 7:00 pm I had realized it had been 48 hours since any food had been invested. I wasn’t even feeling hungry because of the pain. This is not a typical thing for me. I have a hearty appetite. They started bring food out to the patients. Of course it was a fish fry. Ewww! Stinky whore house for dinner? Thanks, but no. I will pass.

I decided it would be fun to pretend I was a dead body, so I pulled my white blanket over my head and laid very still. That way passerby’s, and there were a lot, would wonder…..it was my little prank to the hospital.

A little after 8:00 I got into my room. I got the stomach injection for clotting and then had to wait for imaging. They gave me a heated blanket and some oxycodone. Now we wait to see how things go. I am glad Paul didn’t have to come back in this horrific weather.

My bright spots - Paul stayed with me and suffered through my grief with me. Avery and Ethan for dealing with the power outage. My nurses and doctors were all nice and caring. The warm blanket my nurse brought me.