12/28/22

 The stars have aligned for me. I got a call first thing this morning that the neurosurgeon himself, directed the staff to call me and set up an appointment for January 3 rd!  The staff said that he has never done this before which makes me feel even better that someone cares. This is amazing and I can’t thank my friend enough for pulling this off for me.  She has worked with him and knows him well and trusts the way he practices medicine.

This makes me feel more confident that I will be able to get the appropriate help I need. I can hang in there until January 3 rd.

Patience is such a hard practice. Patience allows you to trust the “system” and know it will come through for you. It takes a lot of trust in something though. Somehow patience works out for me usually. It is just so hard to be patient sometimes in this instant gratification world we live in. I also have to look for how it worked for me.

“Let’s rephrase that.” This is a phrase that was taught to me by a student from they psychology department in New York City. You have the power to spin the situation the way you want. It can backfire if you aren’t in the right frame of mind.

My “Let’s rephrase that” situation: I finally came to terms with an agreement between my self and co-workers that this back thing isn’t improving the way I wanted it to. I have an extensive trip for my work coming up that was going to double as a girls trip with my Sarah. Sarah is very special to me. Work has to replace me with someone that can sit or stand and I can’t do those things yet.

The thought of missing that time with her is awful. So that “let’s rephrase that” isn’t going to work yet. If I rephrase it, it will be full of swear words because this f@$&ing sucks! Maybe in a few days when I am farther through my grieving process I will be able to rephrase this situation. I let her down and myself with my stupid busted up back. Can’t they do back transplants? I want a new one.

I did some good work today with my physical therapy exercises and moving around. If I stand my leg immediately feels like the worst Charlie horse ever that you can’t get rid of. It travels so fast down my leg into my foot.  It also is pins and needles. I hobbled around with the Walker today, but Avery made me my meals. She is so good to me. Paul brought me coffee and even out a squirt of the delicious mocha peppermint whipped cream on top for me. It’s so good.

Ethan went and picked up his medication at the pharmacy today. He then came home and started to measure out his pills. He has only done it a few times but this was a big step because I simply can’t do it right now. He knew most of them and I laid on the couch as his moral support when he got to a medication he couldn’t remember how many times a day it was.

Phineas is still out of sorts and knows something is wrong. He follows me and we had to move his bed right next to the couch so he would stop walking around whining in distress.

Rephrasing my entire situation would be to say, I am incapacitated and it has really allow for everyone to take care of me and become less dependent on me. Ethan had to take on the task of going to the pharmacy and doing his pills. Avery is helping by going to pick up the groceries and put them away for me. Paul has to load me in the trunk like a bag of leaves, to take me to my massage.

As I was loaded into the trunk of my van so I could lay flat on my back, I had to put all my trust in Paul’s driving ability. I am not strapped in and this is not an ideal way to travel. He does make hard stops and my head slides into the seat. 

Every time he used the break pedal man I went sliding. I was like flat Stanley. It is bumpy in the trunk. I can feel every little bump and road idiosyncrasy. If I talk, my voice reverberates. Definitely not ideal but the only way I can travel right now. Still can’t sit comfortably.

It also is weird to not be able to tell where I am. I can hear cars wizzing by on tipsy turvy roads. It’s just an odd situation.

I occasionally hear Paul swear at the traffic and it makes me giggle. He had a string of f-bombs and off color names he calling people as they drive like idiots. At one point he mumbled explications for a good couple minutes. It was giggling quietly in the back. I do enjoy when Paul goes on a tyrant about something and goes on and on. 

My massage was wonderful. She really did a good job of trying to soften the muscles around my sciatic nerve. It hurt a little bit because the nerve is so tender and pissed off, but it also felt good afterward. I did have a better experience walking out. I had less of the stabbing throbbing pain and more of the pins and needles sensation.

As we rode home, I started smelling dog fart. We didn’t have any dogs in the car, so I yelled at Paul for farting in my van and Stinking it all up. He replied “that wasn’t me, I thought it was you.” I told him “I am a lady and would never make that smell.” He laughed at the ridiculousness of my comment. I think we were driving by a cabbage field but I really could tell. 

We pulled into the driveway and Avery was unloading groceries by the sounds of it, Avery had mooned Paul as he pulled into the driveway. I hear Paul yell “Avery!!!!!!” And I giggled because I knew she was mooning him. I am not sure where she gets that from?????

Later I was laying on the couch and Avery came over to the TV table I had set up as a catch all for my multiple drinks. “Let me clean up your mess!” Avery said all snarky. I glared at her and replied “SORRY I CANT WALK!” She and Paul both started laughing at me. Picking on the handicapped isn’t very nice. Karma is going to get them both! Ha!

All in all, I am glad my family pokes fun at my misfortunes. If the tables were turned, I would be doing the same. I am thankful for my family!

Ps. I was very thankful for the Christmas card I received from previous clients that I used to have and their dog, Riley. It was a precious card. Thank you guys and as always, thank you for the support! ❤️