🔪 1/3/23

 Paul loaded me up in the car, flat, and we traveled to Canadaigua to my appointment. It is about an hour or so. I was able to login to work on the way which still blows my mind I can continue working with the right tools. It is saving me from going crazy.

Paul asked me if he should drop me off or if I could walk in from the parking lot. I said “drop me off or you will have to give me a piggy back ride”.

Paul dropped me off, like cargo, and I hobbled into my appointment while he parked. I knew I would experience the crushing and stabbing pain until I was able to lay flat. Mind over matter. The pain did not disappoint as it attacked me with every step I took, creeping farther into my foot.

I had to fill out paperwork and did Lamaze breathing as I completed that dreadful task. It was sloppy. I had to accept that. I am having to accept a lot of things I don’t like these days. Like being dependent on everyone. I hate that. I want to be able to let the dogs out when I think they need to go out. Not ask someone else. Ugh. I know it is temporary so I have to suck it up and not be so grumpy about it.

After the doctor reviewed my MRI and did an exam, he said that I have nerve compression on my S1 nerve.

Basically I need a surgery to remove a bone spurs and arthritis material as well a disc material that is causing compression on the nerve root. I could do a more conservative approach but it would be short lived and not a long term solution. I need a long term solution. I am excited that we are moving toward a solution.

As soon as I got into the car I called to schedule my surgery.  I had to leave a message with a live person. I was told that the scheduler would “call you right back”.  2 hours went by and I heard nothing. I called again and left a message. I never received the phone call. I was frustrated. Paul was pissed. I told him that I am trying to give them the  benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she needs information from the doctor before she can schedule the surgery. Some sort of diagnosis code so she actually know what she is scheduling and how long it will take. I am trying to be logical.

So I continued to lay flat and work for the rest of the day and not focus on my phone and how it wasn’t ringing. 

The not knowing is the part that is hard. I have started cancelling appointments that I have later in the month that I know I won’t be able to fulfill. 

My last question to the doctor was…”When is the soonest after surgery I can safely drive to New York City for a heart biopsy appointment?” I had already pushed Ethan’s heart biopsy off a month to February. His answer “At least 4 weeks”.

I welcome surgery with open arms. I am excited for it. It is my ticket to actually living again. Get off the couch and maybe, sleep in my actually bed? That would be ideal.

Hoping tomorrow I get the magic phone call.