2/4/2023

I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. It was 2:30 in the morning. As I walked by Ethan’s room, his light was peaking through under his door. He was still up.

When I woke up in the morning, I expected Ethan to sleep in. It got to be noon and we hadn’t seen him, so I went upstairs and knocked on his door. He was up and I wished him a happy birthday. He said thank you. 

I asked him if he still wanted Chinese for dinner. He had decided he may want Mexican instead. At dinner time, we ordered dinner and Paul picked it up. When Paul arrived home and I went up to tell Ethan it had arrived. 

He asked if he had to eat it with Paul and I. I told him we would like that but it wasn’t required. He said he would like to eat alone in his room.

We also had cake and ice cream waiting so we could celebrate his birthday, give him his card and small gift. Paul and I ended up having cake without him.

He didn’t come down stairs for over 3 hours after the food arrived. I had since put his in the fridge.

I am disappointed that we couldn’t at least see him for 5 minutes. I am trying to remember what the therapist said. He is angry and doesn’t want his parents to control anything. He also doesn’t like to get excited about anything because in the past, he has gotten his hopes up only to go through the grief of not being able to do the activity he was excited for. So we try to not take it personally.

I know he had fun yesterday doing kid stuff and staying out late. I am glad for that. I am thankful that we have a birthday to celebrate. It may not have been celebrated the way I would have liked, but it was celebrated the way Ethan wanted it. 

I can’t believe he is twenty. Especially since I am barely 25. 

I was happy that even know Paul could have gone away snowmobiling, he stayed home. He and I had a nice evening watching a documentary on smugglers.