10/20/23

I am feeling emotionally drained. Being around people constantly for a few days in a row really takes a lot out of me. It is kind of my introvert kryptonite. All the stimulation of sounds, smells, conversations, lights, and activity pick away at my soul and I haven’t had a proper recharge. I knew this would happen. I told Paul earlier in the week that I was going to lay low this weekend.

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy myself, because I really did. It’s just an unbalanced energy exchange. 

This conference was a very profound experience and I really love that I work for a company that is willing to invest in trying to make a change in our broken industry.

The hard part is trying to step back and evaluate myself and where I can improve. I do feel with my current position this may help me more personally than professionally. Either way, growth is growth. Things happen for a reason and we don’t always quite understand why.

I am hoping that I will be able to communicate more effectively with Ethan and be able to help Ethan and Paul navigate their feelings in a way that is productive. Sometimes the conflict that we have in the house is thick and heavy. Other times it is settled. 

I don’t really like conflict and feel uncomfortable when there is head butting going on in my house. Luckily, these incidents are fewer and farther between as time passes.

So I sat trying to mull over the things I have learned and the tools I have obtained. I was in the quiet space in my brain while there was loud and busy chatting on the shuttle bus to the airport. Sometimes I am able to retreat into my own headspace to make the quiet that I need. I checked out from the chaos.

I am excited to get home to be in my own space to process the anxiety of next week. Ethan and I are headed to NYC for his whirl wind of appointments. My anxiety has started about navigating Ethan’s anxiety, that presents as anger and negativity. Those are hard feelings to travel with, but important and justified feelings for him to have.

My flight was delightful. It was on time and smooth. The lady sitting next to me has a sister in the physics program with Avery. Small world.

As I walked up to our front door, I saw Ethan. My heart smiled. I missed him. As we walked into the house Ethan and I chatted a bit. We also shared some laughs as the dogs were being all goofy and excited. Little Jiminy looked up at me with his one big eye. 

There were so many things that I appreciated today. My on-time flight, connections with people and the fact that even though I am drained, that I was able to step out of my comfort zone. I am also grateful that Paul returns home (in the middle of the night) from his week.

The coffee is already set to brew in the morning so we can chat over coffee.

Look at Jim’s little toes! I hope they brought a smile your way!