4/17/24

This morning, Ethan and I went to get his physical taken care of for this machine shop apprenticeship. I was worried with all the questions he had to answer yesterday, that there would be a problem.

Ethan went in by himself and was able to do the entire appointment on his own. I was there for moral support “just in case” in the waiting room, working. Remote work is what I am made for.

After, we went to the lab for bloodwork. We go to the one at the hospital because it usually yields results quicker. They process the samples right there.

By mid day, I started receiving the results. Ooooffffff! Not good. His kidney values were terrible. Worst they have been since his transplant. I immediately panicked.

My panic was all internal. I can hide it well. I reached out to his kidney doctor in NYC first since he doesn’t have an established doctor in Rochester yet (next Wednesday is our initial appointment). She directed us on what to do and he is headed back for bloodwork on Monday.

My stomach felt funny. My mind was racing. I tried to formulate a plan to let Ethan know his results sucked. I knew it would result in a bit of a tailspin for him.

Then his rejection medication levels came back. One was non existent. One can’t be measured and the third was “low”. Great!

Then his potassium level came back as super high. Like stop, drop and roll because you are rolling dumpster fire, high.

The hospital called and was like “hi, your kid is in the “potentially could have a sudden heart attack” range of his potassium.” They said it more eloquently than that. Luckily, I had a potassium binder in Ethan’s medication box. We have a whole bin of things he has been prescribed but he doesn’t have to take OR the dose has changed.

He got his potassium binder RIGHT AWAY! It’s like drinking paint. It is so thick!

His cbc was out of whack, so I asked for a hematologist referral.

He has been instructed to drink as much as he can. We have adjusted his rejection med dose to get him up to a therapeutic level and protect his organs.

When we talked about his values he said that he “wished he was normal”. He was worried about my kidney and didn’t want to take bad care of it. 

He feels that with all the plans he is trying to line up for the future, he hasn’t done the best job of making sure all of his medications were correct. He also hasn’t been drinking as much as he should.

I used a phrase from the therapist. When things get stressful we need to “reframe” it. It is mature to recognize these things. But we have to solve and move forward.

We reframed that this was a barrier that he hit and it was placed in his way maybe as a reminder of the things he needs to do to keep body happy and healthy to achieve his goals.

Meanwhile….i have the “what if’s” scenario’s screaming silently in my brain. It is a noise that causes such clutter that I get distracted from life with it. So many questions are floating around. I noticed my foot was tapping, my heart rate increased…I have butterflies in my stomach… I wonder where my kids get their anxiety from. 

I did some box breathing and self talk. I can’t control these values. I can’t control Ethan. All I can do is be the voice or reason in a calm, collected and matter of fact way. Man, that is hard.

We have this adult that is 21, that doesn’t drink alcohol, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t partake in drugs but he struggles with other things. I am hoping other people find this stage of parenting tricky also.