Results from the mammogram/ultrasound combo- normal. Yay! Probably the most normal thing on me right now.
I went to physical therapy today. My PT asked how I was feeling. “Terrible”. That got her attention. We scrapped any form of strengthening exercises. My right leg was longer than the left. My PT was explaining that my muscles are all upset and they are wound up tight. So tight intact, they are pulling my one hip up more than the other.
We worked on loosening the muscles. Lots of stretching and half push ups. “Do 20…Do 20 more…cock your leg out to the side….do 20 more.” My triceps were screaming. This is after I had done this at home too.
“No more! My muscles are going to rip my shirt they are so big”
I understand that I need to do this work to get to the prize at the end…livable back pain. But man, I was dying a little.
We discussed that she was never going to even suggest or hint for me to do a plank ever again, or modified plank… or anything that rhymes with plank.
She had to manually/physically they to move my hips back into the neutral position. She was basically on top of me having me push one leg one way, and the other leg in the opposite direction as she applied pressure. This took several tries.
At the very end, she worked on the tightness of my back. She put her everything into pressing on, stretching, digging etc at the muscle in my back. It took my breath away.
Multiple times this inhumane technique was used. I don’t fault her for it. It needed to be done. It just was intense pressure. By the end of it, I had tears streaming down my face. I tried to stand and couldn’t. Every part of my body was trembling. I took several minutes laying face down on the table, wondering how I was going to be able to walk to the car. I became very inwardly angry.
I was angry that my back was winning the war.
I finally was able to hobble out to my car. With tears of anger streaming down my face, I had a pep talk with myself.
“This is how this is going to work you stupid back! I am going to stretch the crap out of you until you cut the crap.” Sometimes my stubbornness pays off.
I put on my Elizabeth Moss face from handmaid’s tale.
I will NOT accept living like this.
I continued my icing, stretching, laying and getting up to walk around routine. I made it around the field twice. It wasn’t comfortable but I did it. I am working on trying to stand up straight even thought the muscles are pulling me into an “S” shape.
I enjoyed the breeze today. The weather was beautiful.
As I am ready for bed, my sciatic nerve is a bit angry and throbbing. But I continue to do the stretches.
I am ready to go to bed and take a break from the pain.
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