7/13.26

​Today was the start of our multiple transitions at work. I spent very little time on my own new stuff and more time helping my team mate that is taking over a couple of my territories.

The next few weeks will be full of over helping and training. There is just so much to share. I can’t imagine walking into this job right now. I feel sorry for her and want her to not get overwhelmed. I like her. 

By 7:30 Moe was begging to outside AGAIN! He wants to lay in the sun. He was driving me a little nuts with his requests to go out so frequently. 

Avery called me this morning. 

“Mom, is now a good time to talk?” She said 

“Yes it’s a great time!” I answered. 

She shared she was feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety at her new position. She feels like she doesn’t belong. She feels like everyone else seems to effortlessly do their work. She second guessed herself even though she knows the work she is doing is solid. Her advisor has praised and encouraged her from the get-go.

We talked  about imposter syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome - a psychological condition where people consistently doubt their skills and talents and have an internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Avery actively works on her self talk. She has significantly improved (especially with a therapist).

Avery described a time last week where she felt anxious to the point where it was becoming difficult to breathe. She has a rescue medication for these instances. She didn’t take it until she got home. 

We talked about keeping that medication with her in case she feels this way again. It is inhumane not to take that medication when she is feeling panicked.

I also told her this stems from her perfectionism. It’s ok if she makes mistakes. It’s how we learn. I followed it up jokingly with “but if you make a mistake, you are kicked out of the family forever!”

It made her laugh. I actually felt sorry glad that she called. I would rather take that call all day long than have her suffering. 

People don’t talk about when this happens very much. She sees it as failure, I see it as recognizing her anxiety and asking for help through a quick chat. That is not even in the same zip code as failure.

Ethan is pretty bummed. He has now graduated into the world of co-pays, and a $2000 deductible. 

He has this test on Thursday that will probably demand the entire deductible. He is worried he won’t be able to afford his bills.

We also got the letter stating we have to call and set up a payment plan for the over payment from SSI. He will have to pay the $12,000 back. 

He talked about if he committed a heinous crime, he likely would get free medical. 

It was an evening of talking things through. It’s going to work out. He is worried about what will happen if he has to go on dialysis and how he will pay his bills and medical. His doctor says he is not close to dialysis yet.

I can’t imagine worrying about this stuff and being 23. I was proud of him for verbalizing it. We can’t change what the government has told us to do at this point. We adapt.

Paul was in a foul mood. I was glad he stayed outside to mow the entire evening. I am hoping he works through his rotton-ness. We all have those moments.

Tomorrow I have to go to the OBGYN for my annual check up. Nothing like starting your day with a nice cold speculum in your privates! Can’t wait! *sarcasm!!!!!*