Ethan’s Journey

 I started my morning off with a walk up the road with the dogs. My hair was  bed head styled, my breath was bad enough to make the devil stagger back. Why would I take care of my needs if the dogs might need to go potty?  I was groggy, had no bra on and I walked up the road with my raw beautiful self. I had all four dogs at my side. We met a lady coming our way, which is unusual because there’s not much traffic in this area.  She was walking alone and I had four rowdy dogs as she approached. She was friendly, and Penny started barking. I told the lady that Penny would stop barking if she could sniff her and that Penny was friendly.  Penny went to sniff her and so did Ferguson Moe came over stepped on Ferguson. Ferguson bit Moe by, Penny bit Ferguson because they were all upset at one another. It was a real shit show at this woman’s feet. Jim was minding his own business.  We just pulled back and I apologized for their drama. We walked enough so everyone co...

Paul woke up early to start a project. It involved digging, sand, dirt, big machines and many helping hands.  Paul sent me to the gas station to grab fuel for the project. While at the gas station, there were chickens walking around the parking lot. Best.Day.Ever. We got back (with zero chickens). Avery commented on how one man did all the work and the others watched….with their hands on their hips. Avery said it reminded her of King of the Hill. I told her that King of the Hill had to base their cartoon on Satire and basic human nature offered plenty of material. At one point we all pitched in and had to shovel sand. I assume that tomorrow I will feel that. I used my legs a lot. We worked together and finished what we needed to by the end of the day. It was nice to have that sense of community on the shore. Today, you help us. Tomorrow we will help you.   I took the dogs on three lengthy walks. They LOVED it. Penny and Moe bounce around together off leash at top speed. J...

 Paul has poison ivy. He gets it every year. It is usually bad and carries on for weeks. He tries so hard to avoid it. He showers after working outside. He wears long sleeves. He avoids touching it.  His eye is swollen and he is pissed about starting vacation with it. I can’t blame him. Avery did part of the driving so I could finish some things for work on my computer. We had Myself, Avery, Kendall, and 4 excited dogs who love riding in the car to “go camping”. At the half way point, we switched and I took over. We may have picked up some food too. Yum. I started driving and about 2 minutes in we hit a spot where I had to merge with other traffic. I put my blinker on, saw a gap in the traffic so I couldn’t scoot over and the truck I was merging in front of, sped up immediately so I couldn’t get over. It was a couple in their 60’s. I remained in my lane and had to break as the road was coming to an end and scoot over quickly as they passed. I said out loud “I hope the 0.7 seco...

 My heart broke just a little bit today as I learned of more amazing people that I had the pleasure to work with, were terminated as our company moves forward. One of the ladies was someone I met when she managed a practice. The first time I met her she was so friendly, warm and I had a great conversation with her.  I thought about how cool she was and it wasn’t until our next meeting I learned that she had lost her husband  two months earlier to suicide. She shared how in hind sight, she should have recognized the signs, but she didn’t. She was blind sided. It was around the time Ethan was struggling pretty hard and I had taken the QPR suicide prevention training. I worked with her a few months and then things got switched around and she was assigned to my coworker. I thought about her often and celebrated when I had heard she was promoted. I reached out to congratulate her. It wasn’t until months later, things switched around again. I was working with her in her new rol...

 Paul woke up mostly on the right side of the bed. Phew! We all have bad days. He had a relatively good day at work. Yay! He started working in the yard and heard a funny noise from our air conditioner. He pulled it apart and found that it was almost all the way clogged with debris. Out came the shop vac and he worked at cleaning it up. Maybe it will work a little better for us now.  My company is experiencing a merger. Today was a hard day as our leadership had to make the decisions to cut people across the board. It’s a merger and with those there is always change. As a great fraternity I know says “To change is to survive.”  One person on my team was eliminated. I feel sad about it but understand how all this works. Due to the nature of the corporate beast, casualties happen. My goal is to survive them.The corporation was kind with their severance packages. I genuinely like what I do and feel like I am helping people. I like the flexibility of my position and it allows...

I got a text message today from a guy in the Army asking if Ethan had interest in the Army Reserve or the Army. I laughed out loud. Even if Ethan had a strong passion to go this route, he would be turned away in a jiffy.  I let the man know that Ethan is a dual organ recipient on several medications with a history of epilepsy and stroke. I let them know he has multiple specialists, doesn’t have great stamina and wondered if he would still have interested in someone like that. He told me he would “remove Ethan’s name from the list”…yes sir…I think that would be best for all involved. Paul came home as a grumpy bear. I know he is feeling stressed with what is on his plate. I did not poke the bear. I played dead to avoid conflict. It worked. I had to start cutting back my mums. 4 inches by the 4 th. I was sweating my ass off and trying to keep the flower bed neat because Paul mulched and it looks so nice. The heat was humid and everything was sticky. There was no way to avoid a shower...

 Thanks Jenny, luckily for us, Avery is not hard to love. She appreciates small things. She is witty. She is kind. She makes me want to be a better person. With this heat going on today, I am certain I am not going to like Hell very much. Ha! My day started at 7:00 with interview after interview. Don’t feel too sorry for me, I make my own schedule and chose to start this early. I am taking a few days off next week and want to make sure I have people moving through my practices.  I started my marathon of meetings. In the middle, I had to hop on a call with Ethan and the cardiologists office. We were presented some options with adjusting medications to help alleviate the toll his one rejection medication is causing. There are basically five medication types that work well to suppress the immune system. One of those is pretty harsh on the kidneys as well as lowers the seizure threshold. People that have epilepsy should not use it. Ethan has what is considered post traumatic epile...

We had a WILD bout of storms go through last night. The lightening was back to back like I had never seen before. I believe it was raining sideways with gale force winds.  This morning, we assessed the damage. There were branches and sticks from healthy trees blown right off with the sheer force of the wind. Our one bench chair was blown to the next property over. We wrapped things up at camp and headed home. The heat is real. Paul mowed but it was too hot to do much of anything else outside. All the dogs got their Sunday bath and new bedding whether they needed it or not. Spoiler alert, they needed it. The fur that came out with the bath was bountiful. Everyone also got a nail trim and nail dremel to soften those sharp edges. Doggy spa day. I started to do the piles of laundry as I emptied the dog crates at camp for fresh new blankets the next time. I will be doing laundry around the clock for the next day or so. Tomorrow Ethan has his medication adjustment appointment. We will se...

 The weather was perfect today. Like so nice, I wish we could clone it. I did some planting of annuals in our garden to make it look spiffy. I really wnjoy doing this because we appreciate the flowers that bloom the rest of the season. Ethan shared that he is excited for fireworks for the 4th. He and his friend will be visiting. I am delighted our family will be together. I am feeling the stress about where everyone will stay as well as how am I going to get the dogs out without waking people up? I may not be able to pull it off but we will see! I like to have something so simple to stress about. I learned a little bit more about one of our shore neighbors. He says heat lightening doesn’t exist. Technically it does not exist.  With a little bit of influence some of the people on the shoreline agree that if you say that Hear lightening exists, you can watch his eye twitch. Challenge accepted. Paul and I were able to put the jet ski’s in at the boat launch, as well as Craig’s bo...

 After work, I took the dogs for a lengthy walk. I enjoy watching the dogs have fun. Penny and Moe are off leash. Ferguson stays tethered as he is older and can’t always see and hear well. Jiminy follow along without a leash because he is perfect. Moe and Penny run ahead and then I call them back. They happily come back because they know they will get a treat. I did this several times until I could see Moe’s tongue hanging side-ways.  We went to the Cape Vincent Brewery for dinner tonight. We sat outside and had drinks and then ordered our food. The food was great.  A couple of weekends ago I went to Canton for an alumni weekend.  I learned of a sorority sister that was in her 90’s that lived above the Cape Vincent Brewery. I asked about her. The workers knew of her but said she mostly gets her food to go now.  I am going to try to meet with one of these days. We enjoyed the evening watching the people while sitting outside and enjoying the weather. We came home...

 Last night I slept with Jiminy close. Paul and I took a jaunt to camp. I wanted to make sure Jiminy was close so he didn’t get disoriented in the middle of the night. He is a great sleeper. I woke up with his little toe beans sticking out from the covers. This dog is absolutely precious! I texted Ethan and he said he felt fine, no soreness from the accident.  The day was pleasant in the it was warm, but not too warm. It sprinkled off and on. The sun peaked its face out a few times. Enough for me to put on sun screen. The dogs went on a few off leash walks today which I find as pure bliss. Moe even stuck his toes in the lake for a minute. I mostly worked today. I was hoping my corporation would celebrate Juneteenth and the end of slavery. We had a great dinner with fresh garlic bread…. Tomorrow I have a shorter day. This is because I have putting in longevity 

 Today we had a downpour that lasted for well over an hour. The measured amount is not exact but I did see that 3.5 inches total were measured for today.  That was flash flooding and mass downpour from approximately a little bit before 4:00 pm and ended a bit after 5:00. Our yard was flooded. Paul drove home and several areas of flooding were noted. Ethan got home about 10 minutes later than he usually does. I didn’t really think much of it. I had submerged myself in work today as I had SEVERAL phone calls on the books for today. When Ethan walked in it was like any other day. Except today he was chatty. These are the days that are gifts for me. I will never forget the day in New York City that I wondered if I would ever hear his voice again.  He was excited about the crazy weather, as he always is. I assumed he was off chasing a storm because he enjoys the thunder, lightening and storms so much. He then shared that he had suffered a bit of a fender bender in his shinny r...

 I worked outside for a bit today. I brought the dogs out. They gravitated to laying on the blacktop in the sun. I just watched Jiminy and wondered why he was so absolutely adorable and perfect. He was sleeping with his little toe beans extended, doing “big dog stuff” like napping in the sun. Jiminy also was keeping me VERY safe by guarding the house. I was lucky to have him keeping me so safe.  5 pounds of furry waiting to be unleashed if the moment presents itself. Ha! I had one of those moments today where I spoke with a lady that worked at a clinic all of her adult life. She gained her position from a family member and now after 12 years is ready to part ways due to frustration. She ended up on the other end of the call with me. I listened to her all-too-familiar sequence of her career and how her frustration has been building and she was at her breaking point. While we talked about what she is looking for, it seemed she needed someone to listen too. Her presentation was s...

 It was a long and steady work day. It was a good one though. I felt like I was able to get things accomplished with minimal fires to put out. After work I was able to finish up the laundry. We have a lot! The dogs bedding gets washed weekly and is changed on Sundays. Of course that dogs don’t get one blanket each. Each one gets multiple. There has to be blankets for cushion as well as blankets for nesting. I don’t make these rules, I just follow them. (I actually make them but don’t tell the dogs). I was able to do a bunch of meal prep tonight. I love being able to make these meals and know that if we aren’t home, Ethan will have sodium free meals. I did give each meal a side. The sides were beans, or corn, or mixed vegetable. I am hoping that it helps with the options provided.  The dogs got to do two laps around the field. Little Jiminy was confused for the last lap and went the opposite direction. I had to back track to get him. He was done walking at that point and I beca...

 Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s. Paul got a special breakfast this morning. He had a large plate of eggs, maple sausage and hashbrowns. Yum! I did some work for my marathon of meetings tomorrow. I am prepared and ready for the crazy Monday to ensue. Avery came home and I had both Ethan and Avery sign Father’s Day  cards. I also signed all the cards. For Paul’s card, I signed it and then added Ferguson, Moe and Jiminy.  For Penny’s signature, I applied a shimmery brown eye shadow to my lips and kissed the card. It looked like Penny signed the card with her butthole. Remember, I am not mature. I giggled to myself about my creativity. Paul really liked the special touch in his card. He also found it amusing. Phew! We had a yummy dinner  and chatted.  Meals for meeting, I get to start a next to them. I asked Ethan and Avery to work together to put on the couch cushion cover on the larger seat. I didn’t want to have to fumble with it. I heard them giggling and c...

 I am trying to figure out if I am a jerk or not. I feel like a jerk. A neighborhood kid every so often will come to the door and ask for our cans. It started last summer. He rode his bike here with a little tow behind infant seat to place his cans in. So cute. He let us know his parents were in debt and he was trying to help them out by collecting cans. The kid was about 9/10 years old. Cute kid. He lives several houses down on the next street over. I felt sad for the situation and gave the kids some cans.  He has returned several times, often knocking on the door while I am in a meeting or on a call, making the dogs go bonkers. I have to excuse myself from the call/meeting to see who is interrupting things.  I also am concerned that if Moe is outside, he could potentially bite this kid. We rarely let Moe out without supervision to keep him from having the opportunity. Bit what if? Over the winter, the parents started driving this kid over. They would wait in the car, wh...

 I was chilly with the fan in the window last night. Yikes. Ethan slept with Jiminy and immediately woke up and medicated Jiminy. That made my heart happy. I went to my physical therapy appointment. My physical therapist did some elbow work on my butt cheek. It sounds dirty. I assure you it is not. It is a bit uncomfortable, but it always makes me feel better the next day. Fingers crossed for the same result. I loaded the littles up and took them to the vet. Dr. Jackie and I both felt that Jiminy would be better off waiting until next week to vaccinate him. He only needs his lifestyle vaccines, Lepto and Lyme. I had them draw his heartworm test when they checked his electrolytes on Tuesday (to save him a poke). Dr. Jackie did say that Penny is due for a dental cleaning. I agree. Her gums look a bit red and yucky. I know they are expensive and they are an unsatisfying way to spend money, but they do help dogs FEEL better.  Over the last 10 years or more, the advances in protoco...

 Jiminy did not have any seizures today. He and his two small friends go to the vet for their vaccines tomorrow. Their wonderful and amazing, Jiminy saving vet! I worked outside the majority of the day. It was beautiful out. I sat out front for a while and then stood at the table for a bit, out back. We are building a barn on the property that we own next to us. It will have a living quarters as well as a garage. Ethan is going to live there. He will have his own space, but be right next door in case he has any medical issues. It gives him freedom, but keeps him close. It’s a win win! We have been in the process of setting that up, getting the proper permits, planning and more. Today the trusses were delivered. It is the first real piece that we can lay eyes on, to know that this is actually happening. Ethan has been very reluctant to talk about this. He feels like whenever he looks forward to something, there tends to be an issue and he is let down when things do not come to fruit...

 I woke up very groggy with Jiminy snuggled up next to me. We had an uneventful slumber, just the way I wanted it. Jiminy was due for his anti-seizure medication at 7:00 am and I gave it at 6:50. 6 minutes later, he was on his side having a seizure. Ethan left for work very upset. I assured him that I thought the seizure was due to him being due for medicine and it hadn’t kicked in yet. Still, Ethan is worried about his “child”. Yesterday we talked about how devastating it will be if Jiminy dies. While hard, Ethan shared that he would have trouble existing without him and knows he will sink into a deep depression. We talked about how valid that would be. I remember my depression after my Toonces died suddenly. Phineas was hard, but easier in a way because he made the decision easy for us. Grief is grief. Ethan shared he doesn’t want Jiminy to die until he is 20….or super old like that. I told him that there could be a possibility that something happens and he passes away young. We ...

 I woke up with a sore throat and plugged ears. At least I didn’t feel so tired like yesterday. I had a light day which helped. After dinner we got a surprise visit from Avery. Yay! She visited for a bit and then left. I went down stairs to switch over the laundry. I heard what I thought was Moe bounding down the stairs. What a goof. I ran around the corner to startle him.  To my horror, it was Jiminy. My sweet little miracle dog. He immediately started screaming and went into a seizure. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. If he were a normal dog, he would have been bounced around, but his poor little head just has no protection. We signed up for this. We vowed to give him as normal of a life as possible. Obviously we try to minimize accidents as much as possible but they are going to happen. We adjust. We never leave the basement door open again. We separate the dogs when fed. We don’t give treats to the other dogs around Moe. I scooped him up. I was so pissed at myself. I left ...

 We woke up early and were on the road by 5:30 am. We were both struggling as we were tired and had not had coffee. I also didn’t feel so hot. Scratchy throat. Congestion. Foggy brain…staring off for god knows how long…then asking myself “what are you supposed to be doing?” I was struggling to keep my eyes open which is not like me. I went to bed early. We rode in silence to get coffee. We stopped at a gas station to grab the coffee that was going to be magical and solve my grogginess. When I went to pay, I realized I did have any of my cards. Not magical at all. This included my license, my insurance care, AAA card, library card…odd cards to steal. Is someone going to check out a bunch of books under my name? I went through the pockets of my purse while the cashier was watching. Paul didn’t have his wallet in the store, so I sent him out to the car to get it. There was nothing in the pockets of my purse. I apologized to the cashier lady and told her that this is why we needed the ...

 Paul and I woke up early tomorrow get a head start to the day. We drove a little over an hour to camp. Paul and the guys put the docs in and mowed. Paul and I decided to spend the night and get in the road at 5:30 am. Oooofffff! I was tired today. Probably because I had 2 late nights in a row and a LOT of peopling. My allergies were also bothering me. I even took a little nap. Well like 5 little naps because I kept snoring myself awake. Jolted myself awake is more like it.  The conditions were just right. Not too hot, not too cold. A slight breeze from the window and a very comfy bed. I am just going to close my eyes for a minute…………….SNORE……I AM AWAKE! I don’t like being at camp without the dogs. They enjoy being out up there and keep us on our toes.  Paul and I had some of the burgers I made and froze. Turns out they are made of turkey. They were pretty darn yummy. The lake was calm. We made a camp fire. I was catching up on work and doing more on my boaters safety cou...

 At breakfast this morning, I thought of a fun game to play with people. I was going to walk up to them and compliment them on the most obscure thing.  “I really like your eyelids” or “you have colorful shoelaces” the rules are, you say it with a straight face and then just walk away to see what their reaction will be. Maybe the idea of the game was actually funnier than the game itself. We got to go on a tour of the dorm Heather and I stayed in at one point in our college careers. They changed the color of one wall in each room. Other than that, they were basically the same. Heather and I got a tour of campus in a golf cart. It was fun to see everything.  The afternoon was spent doing a cornhole tournament. Heather and I were the “cheerleaders” but we didn’t actually cheer for anyone because we got busy just chatting. Heather and I met one of the founding members of our sorority. She was delightful. We have a tentative dinner date for later this summer. She lives near ou...

 I was thankful today as I was able to work from the car as we rode to Canton. I was able to get lots of work done and it made the travel time seem less. Heather and I are on the opposite side of the building (and on a different floor) from Jason and Paul. We were provided with pizza for dinner. Yum! We set up our rooms and then went down to rub elbows with other alumni. We went through the “I haven’t seen you is XX years.” And the “what have you been up to?” We walked all over and did a little bar hopping. We laughed a lot. And at the end of the evening, did the same walk home that we had done so many times back in college. Over the foot bridges, through the trees. The water had a peaceful lull as the water rushed under us. We made it to our room and went to bed. Woah! I stayed up until 1:30 am.

 Today was such a nice day. Not too hot. Not too cold. I took the dogs around the field twice. Now went hog wild, and was running at full speed through the tall grass. All I can do is check him for ticks when we get back to the house. You are right Pam, his light fur is helpful. Luckily there were none today.  There are these little purple flowers that grow that produce a sweet and pleasant scent. It reminds me of camp up at the islands. I close my eyes and inhale. It’s nature’s potpourri. Paul and I have begun our preparation for pretending we are in college again. Our college hosts an alumni event every year on campus. You buddy up and get assigned a sweet. Everyone gets their own room but you share a bathroom. My buddy is Heather. Paul and Jason will also be buddies. Some people say Heather and I are trouble makers. I just don’t understand. What happens there, stays there. The alumni office puts on meals and arranges on call free shuttle service until 2 am or something like...

I saw Sarah for a few minutes today. It is hard to catch up and not word vomit all over each other. We were talking about when we were younger we dreamed we would be rich….but here we are. We agreed that we were rich in friendship. So, I guess that dream has been fulfilled if you reframe it. I gained a new coworker today while sitting on the porch. This little bee kept landing on me. It was using its wings to tickle me. Maybe it was trying to pollinate me? Maybe I should be pressing charges. It was cute and fuzzy. These guys are docile by nature, so I wasn’t too worried about getting stung. The swelling in my eye went down a little but not completely. It is now a little red in the crease of my eye lid. It doesn’t itch it just feels wonky. I look kind of silly but not silly enough to keep me away from Walmart. I had to run and pick up some supplies for this weekend. I decided it would be close to Avery, so last minute we decided to meet at Bill Grays. The food was delicious! I finished ...

 I woke up this morning with a swollen eye. I had my window fan in last night and I think I was attacked by allergens. My eye felt “weird”. I looked in the mirror and SURPRISE! I was grotesque. Ha! It really wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to have my camera off at meetings today. I popped a Claritin and hoped for the best. I am so entertained by the wood pecker. I heard his call and rushed to the window to see him. He is glorious!  I appreciated the weather today. FINALLY! It feels like summer. I took a few walks around the yard with the dogs to enjoy my flowers in bloom. After work I did some mowing in the yard and the path I use to walk the dogs. As I was mowing, I thought about all the ticks I was blowing off to the side. Yuck! I enjoyed the smell of the freshly cut grass. I had my tunes on. It was very peaceful. A sort of meditation. The ground is finally solid enough to take the dogs for their walks around the field. Yay! After mowing, we went on our first field walk o...

 Another day, another appointment for Ethan. Today was SSI. He is working full time and providing all the things he needs to. He is able to qualify due to his wage and chronic illness. He needs the SSI to qualify for Medicaid. I still don’t totally understand how it is all connected.  This is the call we waited for last week and never happened. I drove across town, had to make up time missed from work, Ethan had to coordinate with his boss so he can leave to take these calls. I am thankful his company allows him to do this.  We try to be very thoughtful of his position and keep him at work as much as possible. But sometimes he has 5 appointments a week. These calls are linked to my phone number (which is why I was present) because Ethan doesn’t always check his voicemail, he works during their business hours and it is so loud at his work, he can’t hear his phone. We have a good little system. I arrive, wait for the call, text him to come out and we go from there. I never ...

 I woke up this morning and did chores. Filing, paying bills, vacuuming, laundry and even the dreaded empty the dishwasher which I despised. I made more “pup-sicles” for the littles. I put dog food in old yogurt containers. I let the dog food sit in water until they are soft. Then I put in the freezer and let them get solid for the dogs to lick in their crates. They are spoiled. It is an activity that will entertain them. While doing my chores, I reflected back on how cousins weekend went. I thought about how nice it is to be around family. This weekend traditionally has been so much fun. I can always count on great conversations with my sister in-laws.  Everyone has their stories of how things have gone over the last few months. I enjoy hearing about what everyone has been up to. I went to pick up my groceries and quick dropped some things off at Goodwill. Who do I run into? Avery! She is a smart kid. She and Kendall wanted to make something that required a dish she did not h...