Ethan’s Journey

 I like frogs. I enjoy hearing them sing. I enjoy seeing them in our pond. They don’t bite and they eat bugs. I hate bugs. Frogs aren’t messy, they don’t cause damage. Yup! I can live with frogs all day long. I was pleasantly surprised with the temperature when I let the dogs out. They were out for a while doing dog stuff. I went to the door to check and see if anyone was ready to come in. I found this beauty. It was like he was ready to come in like the dogs. The Matt does say “welcome”. It actual says “Welcome just kidding please go home.” I called Ethan to come look. We used to catch frogs at the park together and bring them back to our pond when he was little.  I looked closer and he must have jumped in the ash bucket (no hot ashes luckily). I went to go pick him up to rinse him off and he hopped away.  What a nice little gift first thing in the morning. Ethan and I shared a moment just looking at him and joking about how he wanted to come in and live here. Or maybe h...

 So many chores were accomplished today. We start our week with a clean-ish house. I don’t think you can have a really clean house with 4 dogs. Especially with rainy and muddy weather. Gross! I was able to make another batch of meals for the boys. It was a Mexican rice with turkey. Since I have been more of a food Nazi, Ethan’s cholesterol have dropped from 197 to 138. Yay!!!! Ethan has made some excellent food switches in the past month.  We did get some other results back too. So far there is nothing overwhelmingly alarming. I get nervous when I think that. Typically that is when something blindsides us. We shall see, we still will be collecting results over the next week and a few days. Ethan’s nephrology appointment is at the same time as Avery’s Scholar’s Day presentation. I am going to try and do both. I can access Ethan’s call remotely. Hopefully once I am done, it will be Avery’s turn. Ethan’s finger looks a little better. It is very bruised under the nail. He still ha...

 Ethan and I started our morning with a trip for him to get bloodwork. Luckily we only had to wait about a half hour. They drew some extra blood for his autoimmune tests. Some of the tests can take up to 2 weeks to complete. We have an appointment in 11 days. I went on to the bank to inquire about a loan for some projects. Then off to the grocery store. I drove back home and dropped the groceries off, had Paul fill out some loan paperwork and then headed back to the bank. Before I left the house for the second time, I loaded up my donations for Goodwill in my tube. I got some follow-up bloodwork on the way back to the bank. I dropped off the paperwork, dropped stuff off at goodwill and was back home. That was way too much peopling for a morning. I did feel like I did a lot of things. When I got home, my back was in agony. I did all my exercises, walking and stretching. By the time I was done it felt a little better. I made pasta for dinner with a home made sauce. Yum! It was really...

 Luckily I had the week off from training as I have not succeeded in training Moe the “stand” command. Grrr! I have tried but we aren’t communicating well with this command. Tomorrow Ethan goes for his blood work to look for autoimmune diseases as well as his normal routine blood work in the morning. We will see how the kidney is doing. I am interested in what his white blood cells look like since he smashed his finger. My guess is that they will be a little elevated with the swelling of Ethan’s finger. At least it won’t be from pneumonia for one time in a row. I brought in small amounts of wood frequently throughout today so we would have some dry stuff to burn this weekend. It is supposed to be damp and yucky. I don’t like damp. Avery shared that she is doing a presentation on her poster for Scholar’s day. Man that kid is nailing it! I already blocked my schedule. We started watching a show called “Traitors” which is a fun reality show. I enjoyed it. It was the perfect amount of ...

 I added an item to my bucket list. It is called Blue Hill’s Ranch in Texas. Let me tell you why! First, you get to touch, swim with and feed otters. They have giraffes, camels (maybe another one can bite me?) wallabies, kangaroos….capybaras (which I told Paul I wanted one but I guess they thrive better with multiples) and more. You can even bottle feed kangaroos! This place is located in Texas. I might have to take out a second and third mortgage on my house as a villa is $1500-$2000/ night. One night is far more than our 8 night stay in St. Lucia.  Maybe I should just go to Australia instead. I might need to win the lottery. Ethan’s finger is still bothering him. He is hitting it on things and sending out a surge of pain that he doesn’t appreciate. He is choosing not to go to urgent care for now. He and I went to CVS to get a finger splint to offer it some protection. It is still swollen and is black and blue under his nail. A small bump in the road. We have a lot of project...

 I had a series of weird dreams last night. I was at my Mom’s house and my kids were little again. They were telling me that they were seeing large foot prints in the basement like there was a big animal down there. I went down to investigate and saw what they were talking about. I found a 30-40 pound raccoon. My first thought was “how did this get in here?” My immediate second thought was, he looks like he needs a home. I should probably keep him. I mean, that is a logical thought right?  Dreams are funny. The worst part is, if I found a raccoon in my basement, the thought would cross my mind to keep it and force my love upon it. I try to force my love on Ethan. This morning I suggested he should brush his hair before leaving for work. I told him I mentioned it out of love. This is a kid that has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Things like hygiene and husbandry can be hard for people with this condition. The fact he is able to go to work and arrive on time 5 da...

 Ethan’s finger was so red and sore this morning. I told him to keep an eye on the redness. If it started to grow it could indicate infection is traveling and we would need to go to urgent care.  He, without direction, drew a line on his finger so he could keep an eye on it. I was so proud of him for doing that. Such a small gesture speaks volumes for me. He is taking his healthcare seriously. He has also seen me do this in the past with cat bites that have happened at work. His finger kept him from sleeping well due to the throbbing. He has been taking Tylenol and that keeps things at bay. I was watching reels on my phone and came across a husband and wife that were talking about how their brains work. She has a narrator in her brain that will verbalize everything. He didn’t have a narrator and didn’t hear a voice, but processed things in pictures. Paul wasn’t home at all yesterday as he goes to work, then to bowling, and arrives home after I got to bed. I plan to bring it up...

 Today was a fine Monday. I had the fire going. I woke up early to make breakfast (something I had wanted to do). Work was very steady and I was not bored. I made it through my meetings and phone calls. Ethan texted me I. The afternoon that he injured his finger. He had smashed it on something and has a decent sized blood blister under his fingernail. It is throbbing on him. He applied ice, elevated it and took Tylenol. I told him that unfortunately that is the best we can do for now. It seemed pretty swollen but he was still able to move it around so hopefully not broken. We will see how this unfolds. Avery said she was dragging her feet on some of her homework. She is a procrastinator. But she wasn’t feeling the best today. She was tired and didn’t sleep well last night. It must be the first day back jitters.

 I DON’T LIKE MICE! They scare me. They poop out diseases as far as I am concerned. They are pests, they are gross and the only good one is a dead one. I secretly fear it will always come back to life to nibble out my eyeballs.  Well I was down stairs today and I stumbled across one in a trap I don’t remember setting. I usually scan the traps from a far so I am not startled. If one is in a trap, I leave it for Paul and ALWAYS consider putting the house on the market. Dramatic, some may say yes! I maintain I am NOT dramatic (said dramatically). I let out a god awful scream. A noise, I don’t like hearing myself make. What is that noise anyway? I immediately deviated to the flight response and ran right into our Amish laundry drying rack. I smashed my  head and eye into the corner of it. Paul was so helpful telling me “you have to stop reacting that way.” Oh, is that it? That’s all? I must be an idiot for not thinking of that.  Of course I didn’t say that. I couldn’t ev...

 Ugh! I tried working on the stand command Moe and I need to master. Moe is hitting a brick wall with training. I am just not communicating to him in the way he needs. The tough part is, I have to bend over to assist him into a stand position.  That is just not appreciated by my back. I may have trouble with mastering this one. Today I met a friend for lunch and we chatted for quite some time me time after we finished eating. I totally enjoyed our conversation. Paul and I spent the evening watching Dateline. I was so excited because Keith Morrison was the narrator. He is my favorite one! Paul laughed at me with how excited I got when Keith popped into the scene. I finally had to bail on the second episode. I had already solved the majority of the clues. That is the fun of those shows… “it was the butler, in the parlor with a candle stick!”  Paul had a fire going today. Our house was toasty yay!

 Shenanigans with Ms. Avery Reese today. Avery came home to get her car today. Paul has had it the last few days taking off the snow tires, changing the oil and making it safe for her to drive. While she was home, she visited with the dogs. She has been wrestling with the idea of getting a new phone, because she needs more storage.  She decided she did want to go ahead and make the plunge with a new phone. We planned to visit Verizon together later in the afternoon. When we arrived we were told to wait. Avery and I played word games and Mancala (which she kicked my butt) while we waiting. We could help to overhear this lady’s conversation. She and her boyfriend or son? Went into an upgrade together. Their phones were ordered, and they had just come in. This lady had a difficult time understanding that if she and someone else ordered phones together, they would have to pick them up together and pay the total bill. This lady was patient BUT also kind of a pain in the rump. ...

 Today was another class for Moe. He was less agitated and nervous tonight. One of the puppies was home sick. We did this exercise where we had to have our dogs healing and walking figure 8’s around other dogs. Moe did pretty good.  The one dog, Bailey, has a 9 or 10 year old girl learning to train him. This little girl is doing great. We steered clear of the Rottweilers again. They were a bit unruly tonight. The older owner was not pleased when his dog peed on the rug and he was handed the spray to clean it up. Moe even warmed up to one of the instructors. He ended up flipping on the ground so she could scratch his belly. This is why I brought him to class. To try to let him know that not all people are bad. This instructor took Moe from me to use him in a demonstration. Moe walked with her and sat by her side. When she started to give him the command, she reached over his back and he did NOT appreciate that. He started to flip out a little and they stopped the exercise....

Moe’s face WAS adorable last night. That’s why I couldn’t deny his cute little mug. Tonight he is spending the night in the crate. He ran through our flooded back yard and had mud everywhere. Yuck! I was looking at our medical appointment schedule coming up. We have cardiology, lab work, and nephrology in April plus the ongoing therapy.  May is hematology July is more heard testing with nuclear studies. Plus or minus a kidney biopsy pending the visit with nephrology in April.  Speaking of which, the doctor was going to have someone call and schedule this. After a week of waiting, I ended up reaching out today. I told the doctor I needed the appointment date so we could time blood work appropriately. Why set up an appointment if we can’t discuss results? Can you imagine being 22 and having this medical schedule? I was barely getting myself to work and paying my monthly bills. Today was so beautiful out. I did a little work outside as the dogs got their sunshine therapy. I was w...

 Ethan was sent home from work again. Still no power at his building. I swear, if that company was run by women, Ethan would have had a phone call BEFORE he drove all the way there. He was able to work on his car and be out in the garage. Mid afternoon he came in and said his boss had called and they got power back on at work. Yay! The owner said that he can report at regular time tomorrow. Once his boss called, he called it quits in the garage because he didn’t want to be exhausted tomorrow. Ahhhh….life with kidney disease. I treated Avery and her friend with dinner. We ordered an appetizer and ate like kings! The people watching was great. I was so full on my drive home. Avery shared that she found some good finds at the thrift store for her apartment. She is so excited. Moe ran upstairs when I was getting ready to go to bed. When I walked into the bedroom I found him on the bed sitting like a goon. He had a cute face on so I let him stay. 

 Happy St. Patrick’s Day! ☘️ Today is Paul’s brother, Darren’s, birthday. Happy birthday Darren! Today is also my dad’s birthday. He would have been 79 today. Sadly, he didn’t make it past 48. Ethan drove the Supra to work today. He was so happy. He returned home about 40 minutes later. Oh no! What happened? Apparently his work had lost power and they were sending everyone home. Jiminy was so excited! Ethan spent part of the day hanging out with his friends playing games virtually with them. They can talk to one another during these games. Jiminy was by his side. We had Ethan’s therapy appointment and we talked about how sometimes Ethan is avoidant when there is a sudden change in the plan or if he visits with certain people. For example, his sister came home from college a few weekends ago. She didn’t tell him she was coming. When she showed up, it triggered anger in him.  These incidents were happening prior to Ethan’s transplant but they are much more pronounced. He recogni...

 Paul had the idea to take Avery out to breakfast. We asked Ethan if he wanted to join us and he said no. This is not atypical behavior for Ethan. He wanted to get out and work on his car. We picked Avery up and went to a local diner. Avery noticed an older than us couple sitting across from one another. The lady looked absolutely miserable. She was scowling. She had a transe-like stare at her husband. He husband was so disengaged. He was staring off in the distance. He looked at everything but her. His face was blank. We came up with what we thought the scenario was. Paul thought maybe he was hard of hearing and they couldn’t talk because of that. I suspected he did something to piss her off. She is not going to tolerate that behavior. He will be lucky to survive his slumber this evening. Another person arrived. She was a bit younger than the two of them. As soon as that person arrived, both lady and man were chatty Kathy. Smiling and pleasant. I said it was their daughter.  ...

 We were graced with the presence of Ms. Avery Reese herself. She is officially on break, but too good to stay at home.  I know it seems weird to say, but the less she comes home, the more she is branching out and growing as a person. While we do miss her physically being close, I am happy she is thriving. She did not get accepted for the Idaho externship. She did get accepted for an externship at Brockport again. She said it was really competitive. There were 47 applicants for externships throughout the school and only 17 available externships. She applied to an externship in North Dakota. She has not heard back from NASA yet. She hasn’t officially accepted the Brockport externship. She said her mid terms went well and she feels like she has a good handle on juggling class and her TA job in the physics help center. She enjoyed being home for a few hours. She got to visit with the dogs. I showed her all of Moe’s progress. Ethan walked in the house at one point. His color looke...

 It’s FRIDAY!!!!! A glorious day of the week! Bonus points for being sunny out. After work today I took Moe out in the driveway to do some homework with him. He catches on quick but all bets are off when there is distraction of other dogs.  He has some work to do. He has trouble with a few things and I think it is because I am not communicating to him in a clear way. I need to be more consistent. Sit, stay and come are solid for him. He has to sit while I walk through the door first. A lot of this stuff is cool to learn but realistically we will only be executing a portion of it in our long term day to day lives. It is really teaching me how to train him to do the things I want moving forward. We went to dinner this evening. The food was good. We went to a local brewery. They have the best French fries. They also had a Kolsch beer they brewed. Kolsch is the kind of yeast used to make the beer. This beer had lime and guava flavoring. Yum!

 I shared a fun text exchange with Avery this morning. I sent her a picture of herself when she was a baby sitting naked. It was a picture from the rear, and it had a cute little butt cheeks exposed. Under it, I wrote “Just hanging out naked!”. You could still see her hemangioma on her back that she was born with.  A hemangioma is no big deal (just a little red mark) and it has since gone away. I pointed out her hemangioma to her and said that it is also known as a stork bite. This is where the conversation spiraled out of control into a silly conversation that made me laugh. I appreciate these small and mindless conversations. I also appreciate her fueling my creative mind and adding to it! Tonight was Moe’s first obedience class. I was glad I had worked with him ahead of time. The directions said to make sure he came to class fed and exercised. We both ended up showing up to class exercised. Paul came to class as well but he had to sit in the audience section. I asked him a ...

 We met with the nephrologist today. I had all my questions, did my research AND Ethan and I were able to join remotely from different locations! Yay! So after the bloodwork from last time, Ethan’s kidney values have stabilized. Yay! We are moving forward with immunologic testing. Based on that, we will likely add in a medication or two.  Managing these kidney levels, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, protien and all the other things is exhausting. The medications that help with one thing, throw something else out of whack. The nephrologist wants to be certain she is picking the right combination.  I have been measuring Ethan’s blood pressure and reported it has been higher than I want it. We could add a medication to help with blood pressure, but that could increase the kidney values. The reason his blood pressure went up is because of his ADHD medication. If he discontinues that, he has a harder time focusing at work. It’s not that high, but higher than I would like for...

 Today was beautiful out. Sunshine AND nice weather! Finally!  I got to open my windows. I had a certain dog begging to go outside. Moe begged to get outside and as soon as I opened the door, he plunked himself down and began protecting the house. He even got so good at it he could do it with his eyes closed. I moved his bed outside so he could be more comfortable. We worked on our training things for his class on Thursday. I am hoping exposure to different people and dogs will be helpful for him. I did some meal prep today for some safe meals for Ethan. Paul likes them for lunches too.  I showed Ethan this morning how easy and quick oatmeal was to make. With a few blue berries and strawberries and with unsalted almonds. If he had small portions of the fruit and nuts he can have them.  I know it sounds silly to show him how to make oatmeal, but this kid no interest in preparing anything. I stopped buying the easier foods that he can throw in the microwave  he h...

 My day started at 7:00 am, with an interview. Nothing like just jumping into the day! I went non-stop all day long. I had an advisory board meeting for a local vet tech college (I attended virtually). After work, I had to run and pick up training materials for Moe’s class on Thursday.  When I got home, I had enough time to work with him for about 15 minutes. Then it was time to go get the taxes done.  We learned that it is beneficial for us this year to file our taxes separately.  We could make $700 more just by filing separately. I am so glad we pay someone to tell us what to do! We also learned that one of our forms had not arrived. Ugh! Apparently it arrives after the 15 th of March! Once I have it, I can email it to our tax guy and we will find out what the tax verdict is. Keep your fingers crossed for us! My dogs have a fairy god mother! She sends them little fun gifts in the mail from time to time. It is so thoughtful. I then in return try to send her pictures...

 I am so angry about the man that was killed by seven people locally. They gave this man a slow and torturous deal with frequent beatings, starvation and forcing him to eat feces and drink urine in the presence of children. This 24 year old man died from this repeated and lengthy abuse from people that chose to be barbaric and cruel. I can’t even imagine finding out my child died in such a horrific way. How do you even cope with that? How do you even wrap your brain around multiple people participating in this captivity for so many weeks? How does any punishment given to these people even come close to being forgiven or as “payment” for their crimes? Now we, as tax payers, have to support the meals and care for these people for ever? I know it is hateful to wish any ill will on anyone, but I wish there was a way for these people to suffer the same fate as they caused this man. End rant! I was far more productive today than yesterday. I checked off a lot of things on my list of chor...

 I had really good intentions for how ai was going to spend my day today. However, I did not fulfill the duties I created for myself. I blew off the day and went to lunch with a couple friends. We sat and had lunch for 3 hours.  We shared stories, shared laughs and bonded with humor. I didn’t even know that I needed that. I had a lot of fun and laughs. I did more messing up the house than I did actually cleaning. I started cleaning the upstairs closet. I pulled everything out, and left it all over the floor.  I got side tracked by taking an object down stairs and seeing another project I should start before I forgot. Many projects started but none finished. We’ll…there is always tomorrow!

 Today I woke up thankful it is Friday! I have been training the newest member of our team this week. It is the perfect time of year to add people to the team because it is slower. It just involves a lot of talking. While I was juggling work calls, I managed to make a low sodium, well balanced snack for Ethan. I made a mass quantity and put it in bags, then threw it in the freezer. Now Ethan can count it as a “free” snack. It was a modified Chex mix with no salt nuts, flavored with pepper, onion powder, garlic powder and dill. I did throw in some rye chips, which do have salt, but it is minimal. I roasted all of this mix throughout the day and only used light olive oil spray to get the seasoning to stick. No butter. I also made more banana muffins. I replaced part of the sugar with honey and they turned out pretty yummy.   Wednesday is our follow up with the nephrologist. I have been tracking Ethan’s blood pressure and it has been higher than I would like it to be. I know this...

 I love the comments I get on these posts. I wish it wasn’t such a pain in the butt to respond. Today I had more in-depth exchanges with the dietician. It turns out that the amounts of different foods the are restricted for Ethan, aren’t as restricted as we were once told.  So that will be easy for Ethan since he is used to restricting more than that.  I was able to get a specific count per day for sodium, protein, phosphorus, potassium and magnesium. Turns out that Ethan is doing pretty good with his intake numbers. Yay! Paul and I went to dinner and had good conversation and shared laughs. The food was excellent! I signed Moe and myself up for formal dog training classes. Moe needs more confidence and needs to trust people a little more. After being at the vet, he has areas of improvement. I just need guidance on trying to help him be his best self.  It can’t hurt right? I am sick of the cold weather. Time for the warmer days to start arriving!!!!

 Today I woke up and was ready to prepare for Moe’s appointment. I did all the things I knew how to do. I took him for a walk (in the rain). I gave him a bath. I gave him long lasting snacks to keep him awake, then gave him a nice sedative.  We went for his appointment and he sat in the car like a good boy the whole way there. We god out and his tail went down, his anxiety went up and he was on edge. He did well with cautiously greet the female, but man, the men with beards got a low and burly growl along with a healthy dose of stink eye. He was scared of the scale but got over his fear pretty quickly when mom started bossing him around. Moe was good for his blood draw. I covered his eyes and held him tight for it. No flinching. He was not so good for his pokes. We had to distract with food and thump petting. Once he was done, I stood and talked for a bit. These used to be my coworkers and I do miss them. It was nice to catch up. Moe relaxed a little. He even went over to the ...

 Today Ethan had an appointment with his new neurologist. This doctor is different from his neuro-surgeon. So many doctors. So many appointments. All in Rochester, so thankful for that. The neuro-surgeon follows the mass on his pituitary gland. Today’s doctor follows Ethan for his seizure disorder. It has been about 18 months since we last saw this doctor.  We happily reported (knock on wood) no seizures. The medication is working. Yay! It seems like everytime we meet with a neurologist, they start to discuss removing the anti seizure medication. At first, this is what I wanted. I had/have a suspicion that it does contribute to “irritability”. How much irritability is from being a 22 year old with multiple medical issues and how much is from the medication? We had a neurologist we really liked and trusted. He said that Ethan should NEVER discontinue his anti-seizure medication. He said that because Ethan has had a stroke, he is far more likely to have seizures forever. It make...

 Sometimes I prank Paul, but it isn’t even intentional. This morning, Ethan and I were in the kitchen doing our morning routine. Paul saw a container of “cookies” I had made. There were two different colors of cookies. “No offense, but I tasted the cookies you made last night and they were nasty.” He said. “I tried both colors, and they were not good. What kind of cookies are those?” It’s not like Paul to turn his nose up at anything I make, but here is the thing….I didn’t make cookies. “What cookies?” I asked “The different color cookies in the container.” He points to the container. The container, held cheese crisps I had made. I was experimenting with different cheeses. Mid afternoon, I like a crunchy snack. I took cubes of cheese and melted them. I also tried it with cottage cheese which Paul despises. The mention of cottage cheese makes him gag. “That is melted cheeses” I started laughing. He immediately started gagging and going in a downward spiral of questions while Ethan a...

 We received the most precious gift in the mail. The gift of “someone was thinking of you” with the perfect amount of “here is your belly laugh”. Then with the mystery of figuring out “who done it”? It’s an R rated hallmark movie in gift form. We went to the mailbox earlier this week and I found a package. I opened it up and inside were two nearly wrapped gifts. One for me, one for Paul. They were labeled accordingly. I handed Paul his gift and he open his first. It was a very accurate lesson and important reminder for him to WEAR so he doesn’t forget. Genius! This is actually a very thoughtful gift for Paul. Unfortunately after almost 26 years of marriage he is still trying to master this lesson. He has shown significant improvements over the years, but he does excel at other things. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing what Patti told you to do the first time”  I opened my gift. Inside was a beautiful calendar. It had pictures from nature. I can appreciate such a useful...

 I sent a communication to Ethan’s heart team this morning asking if they have a dietician referral they can recommend. I won’t hear back until Monday or Tuesday, but they may have a good lead for me. I proceeded to pick away at annoying chores like cleaning out the refrigerator, pay bills and adult activities we all have to do. It allowed me time to think and mull over different ideas for Ethan that will be easy. He is not much of a chef. I read a bit more about kidney diets, did research on kidney friendly snacks, tried dehydrating beets for Ethan to try to see if he would like them….he did. I was adding items to my Instacart so I can try new and different snacks for him. Paul went snowmobiling, so I puttered all day. I wore Pj’s all day and kept the fire place full of wood (thanks to Paul) to stay cozy! Ethan wanted to watch TV, so we turned on South Park, and it switched over to Beavis and Butthead after about an hour. Jiminy did his routine evening napping right next to me. I ...

 It’s the last day of February. Did you walk outside to see the planets align? Why do we use the phrases we do? Out of no where I have started to incorporate various forms of the saying “take a stab in the dark.” Why? Where did that come from? Also, it is so descriptive. I don’t , in fact, ever want to take a stab in the dark. It sounds reckless. I am glad this week is over. I want to give my brain a rest. I do have a list of things I need to accomplish. A lot of it doesn’t really involve solving problems. I did meet with several people today where I was able help to coach through different scenario’s. I really enjoy helping people (at least the kind ones). This evening, we spent with family celebrating a couple of Birthdays! Happy Birthday Lois and Craig. When is camping season going to start? I miss it. We played cards and ate yummy foods. We also laughed a lot which is exactly what I needed after this week.