7/17/25

I have struggled all my life with focusing on tasks. To cope, I make lists. My lists have lists. I feel like I am always forgetting to do something and often times will forget, not because I am intentionally lazy, but because my brain is juggling 20 balls in the air and sometimes I drop one. This is typical human behavior. 

My anxiety stems from making sure everything gets done and I want to be the person that can be counted on.

With Ethan’s ADHD diagnosis, I spoke to my doctor about how this has been going on my whole life and I have found ways to cope, but I have been feeling that it is getting more out of control lately. Together we decided that I should try ADHD medication.

This decision was not made lightly. I was very thoughtful about addiction and my kidney. I didn’t want a controlled medication, I wanted something that I can take for the days that I really need to focus - week days.

Today I took my first pill. Holy cow. What a difference. I noticed that my scattered thoughts of getting distracted were quieted significantly. My ability to follow through was definitely noticed. I am still making my lists but feel like things were accomplished more efficiently.

The medication made me feel “funny”. I felt more subdued. I think that if I took this in a social setting I would be more quiet than usual. I also felt a little tired.

My stomach was feeling weird too. Not sick, not nauseous but funny. Hungry but not hungry at the same time.

It did give me a better understanding of why Ethan feels it has made a positive difference for him. I wonder if this could be giving him the “fatigue” he is feeling. I am sure it is a combination of his medications.

We met with the psychologist today to discuss his fatigue in more detail. Ethan is scared to adjust his medications. He just went through a few weeks long episode of depression. He had good reason. His car was wrecked, his mouth got horrific sores in it ON VACATION and he was feeling like the world was against him.

He is worried that if he changes his medications he may have another episode of feeling really down in the dumps. I made sure he knew he was in the driver’s seat and that I was just trying to help come up with solutions with the doctor. She did mention weaning down the dose of his one medication. Ethan wants to think about if he wants to do that.

We got pizza for dinner tonight. Avery came home briefly and ate with us. She is doing well. She is just delightful to be around. 

She also shared she is going to bring home her kitten to Kendall’s house tomorrow. She will be spending the weekend at Kendall’s house to bond with the kitten. They have a Bon fire planned with some friends. She is really looking forward to it.

I was able to get all my things into one carry on back pack. Yay! I have a few last minute items to pack in the morning but I am ready to go to Washington DC.