Avery called me last night. This is finals week for her. She gets the swirly twirly’s in her stomach and has some pretty bullying self talk. Today was her physics 2 final.
I asked her what the worst thing was that could happen. “I do really bad, everyone hates me, and I start bleeding from my eyeballs.”
Boy, I hate when that happens.
I started poking holes in her anxieties/fears. We used humor to laugh at the fear. “I have heard that anxiety/fear causes excessive bleeding through the eyeballs…I hope you don’t have a clotting disorder” - I said. “Or else….sure death!”
I told her about a conversation I had with her Aunt Julie SEVERAL summers ago. She had read something or listened to a podcast that suggested personifying fear into a person that is trying to control you. You should talk to your fear tell your fear what you think of it.
I remember during that conversation laughing at how ridiculous this was. We joked about what we would say to fear.
However, I also shared with Avery how my anxiety and fear became crippling when Ethan was in the hospital. Fear’s hooks were buried deep within me and robbing me of any freedom. I was afraid to leave the room.
One day I decided to regain control over my fear. My talk to my fear became brutal. I told my fear to “eff off”, used frequent swear words at my fear and was down right abusive to it. I showed my fear who was boss by leaving the room and walking the stairs. I was terrified to do it, but did it anyway to show my fear who was boss.
It seems so silly but offers great power to control something.
I told her to show her fear who was boss.
She shared later that her test wasn’t as hard as she expected.
Of course it wasn’t. This was my “shocked by that news” face.
I was glad she was feeling better about things. She also had a women’s something or another class that she had a final in. She has one final to go.
Tomorrow she moves home briefly….until moving into her next campus housing situation on Saturday. The school has not shared where she will be staying OR who her room mates will be.
Then she starts her research job. She is worried because she doesn’t know what to expect. I can understand that.
Ethan had a follow up visit with his NYC nephrologist today via video visit. She is suggesting another kidney biopsy. Last summer they found evidence that Ethan’s immune system was attacking his kidney, but it wasn’t rejection.
Precautions were taken but due to Ethan’s last blood tests, there may be evidence that it has gotten worse. There are medications that he can take to help.
He gets his repeat lab work next Wednesday.
Next week will be a busy week for Ethan. He has a hematology appointment, blood draw and also meet with the therapist. We will see where it takes us.
Since the last increase in rejection medications, Ethan has started to develop mouth sores again. Poor kid. They hurt him.
Comments
Post a Comment