12/6/21

This morning Kristen and I ubered to the hospital. “Do you have your id?” Asked Kristen. “Sure do!” I responded. Soooooo….I THOUGHT I had my id. Turns out when we got there security asked for it and I did NOT have it. I offered a DNA sample, but the guy settled on an insurance card with my name on it.

Is anesthesia brain a thing? If so, how long can I use that excuse? I really thought I had already moved my id. I also used the word suitcase instead of couch today.

I thought I was prepared for the “binding” after surgery. I did all the right things like they told me. Took all the medicine they told me. Ate fruits and vegetables as well as drank my brains out for my uni-kidney.

Today was THE monumental movement. I had the breakfast of champions. 2 colace, a glass or miralax, and an English muffin. My belly skin felt so tight, my belly swollen and sore. I even had a nightmare last night, that I was pregnant (at 44!!!) likely because of my stomach.

We got to the hospital and things were off. If you have a weak stomach, discontinue reading now.

I painfully went into the bathroom, locked the door and took my mask off for better air flow. Ethan has a single with a bathroom, thank god!

As things started to move a tiny bit, I knew I was in trouble. I am no physics major but the diameter to solids ratio was NOT appropriate. It turned into a traffic jam. At the “traffic jam” the pain was intense to the point I had to take my shirt off because I was sweating.

I began to downward spiral. I was too far committed to quit but needed to tap out, but couldn’t. I began to panic. 

I imagined the scenario that if things continued as they were going, there would definitely be some sort of significant perforation with extreme bleeding. How was I going to get home with bloody pants? I can’t wear Ethan’s pants because he is too skinny. I thought about pulling the “help” string because I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn’t breath. I was suspended in this state of horrific obstructed colon. 

I envisioned the nurse walking in finding be shirtless, with rectal bleeding and covered in 7 days worth of saved up stool on the floor, unconscious. What a mess. I imagined the nurse scarred from this vision and having to go to therapy wondering “what happened in there?”

The pain was intense and I was sure I was dying. The tunnel vision started. This is it! My panic continued about having to ride home in the Uber with rectal bleeding (that I didn’t even have). I had visions that the back of my pants would look like the abdomen of a deer my dad had just gutted. The Uber driver would be mad about his blood stained seats and charge me a hazardous substance cleaning fee.

With tears in my eyes and panic flowing HARD through my veins, I strained one final time only to be comforted with the relief of a colon birth. No bleeding. No trauma to the area. It was equivalent in size to one of the big new born babies. I felt so much relief. I think my personality changed. I was so thankful I didn’t have to pull the nurses help string. I was so thankful there was no bleeding.

I collected my thoughts. Put my shirt back on and stopped sweating.my breathing returned to normal and I felt like I had just finished a triathlon. Phew! That is over.

Ethan got his dialysis catheter out and was very excited about it. He can take a shower in 2 days. He will be able to swim next summer and ride on the boat. Woo hoo.

His release is coming soon. Maybe tomorrow? Originally it was 2-3 weeks. Overachiever.

Ethan’s PT car guy came in while I was there today. I gave him a big hug. Ethan there on his boots and they did four flights of stairs and countless laps. They came back to the room with PT car guy out of breath.

I watched as they passed the room time and time again and had flash backs to when PT car guy had to disconnect many, many lines so that Ethan could walk with a walker. My heart felt happy with how far he has come. Wow!

We had our meeting with the pharmacist to go over all of the medications Ethan will be on. Our pharmacist is awesome!

Kristen and I went back to the apartment while Brian came back to the hospital to spend the night with Ethan.

We ate dinner and I was going to go to bed. After all it was quite late. I looked at the clock. 6:45 pm. Typical.