Finally a damn update

 1:45 am The heart has landed in NYC should arrive at the hospital in 20 minutes.

4:55 am This is the longest night of my life. Wondering and going through all the “what if” scenario’s.  It has been a long time, why no update? The nurse has no new information. 

All I can think about is my heartless child laying on the table.  Open chest cavity, heart removed, while a machine keeps him alive. Is he still alive?  Did he have another cardiac arrest?

I feel so helpless. My stomach is in knots.  I am sitting by myself taking big calming breaths but my calm is turning into panic. Why haven’t I gotten the call that the heart is in and beating on it’s own?

5:15 am Trying to patiently wait but it isn’t working. I asked the nurse if she could call and get more information because I was spiraling. I was doing my box breathing to calm down but it wasn’t working.

I called Paul and had my moment of complete meltdown. I know something is wrong. He talked me down and stayed on the phone while one of Ethan’s doctors came up to let us know what was going on.

The doctor explained that they placed the new heart in Ethan. They took him off bi-pass and they quickly realized the right side of his new heart was struggling.  Because he has been in heart failure so long, his lung pressure has increased to what they suspect was triple to quadruple the normal pressure. The right side of his new heart was not able to keep up with that pressure. They are putting him on a machine called ECMO that is used as an artificial heart and lung bypass. He will be on this the next couple of days.  He will be completely unconscious.  His body just needs time adjusting to the new heart and this will safely allow that.  Over the next few days they will have the heart gradually take over the work load.  They will then discontinue the machine.  It is attached to the right atrium, so they will take him back to the OR to remove it.

He will be back in the room in a couple hours. I am sure he will have tubes going every which way. But I just want him back. I just want to lay my eyes on my boy.