12/17 7:00 pm

The EEG team aka brain wave team came in to start placing leads on Ethan’s head again to make sure the earlier event that happened today didn’t cause further damage. Ethan had been stable most of the day. A little bit ago his blood pressure dropped again and he started to become unstable. His critical care doctor was concerned and started tweaking things again. She stopped the EEG team in the middle of applying the sensors on Ethan’s head and had her leave, wires and some sensors on his head.

There are 4 people parked outside of Ethan’s door, just watching. Watching the monitors, watching Ethan and his breathing, lung pressure and blood pressure.  

His new cardiology doctor started tonight. One that has seen Ethan before. Ethan had an echo and it was discovered he has fluid behind the heart. Upon examination, it was old blood and not a byproduct of CPR.  This is good news.

Ethan is getting another transfusion of blood to help his blood pressure and heart in general. I am assured that we need to be patient and he will heal. Ethan’s critical care doctor says she is going to personally ground him when he wakes up for arresting on her shift.  If you can’t joke about it, it would be overwhelmingly devastating. 

The Psych team came up to talk to me. They wanted to see if I am ok. I did discuss with them my fear of Ethan being anxious. I also said that I wanted them to talk Ethan through his anxieties of medical procedures so that he has some solid coping skills moving forward.

They were worried about me.  I told them that I am in fight mode and can process things at a clinical level. I know at some point I will process the emotions but my brain will let me know when it is time. I can’t just do it. 

It will likely be awkward like at a baby shower or standing in line at the post office and I will have a long ugly cry. No one will know what is wrong. That’s fine. I can deal with it later. Right now I have to watch over Ethan and make sure that he is pampered.  I lotion his feet and hold his hand and wipe his chin. I tell him what is going on. I know I offer him a sense of calm, even though he sometimes motions for me to “go sit down”. 

I asked his doctor on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, how critical she thought he was right now or what the probability he will go into cardiac arrest again and she said 3.  I clarified that 10 was the highest and her answer was still 3. So that’s good.

They said he just needs time. Lots of time.  I can give him time. This will literally be my million dollar child. Worth every last cent of it. (Don’t worry Avery, your priceless, don’t tell your brother).

He is back up to 14 pumps and a partial EEG.

I am now off to have my well deserved Paloma cocktail and go to bed. I am glad this day is almost over. I am so thankful for an amazing team. Anyone reading this is included within that team. Thank you!